Alphonsus's Random Drivel

I've moved, so if you are reading this, please change your link

2009-01-26T10:38:00.001-05:00

I've put a couple of new posts up at my new WordPress site. Please update your feeds and your links.

http://alphonsus.wordpress.com

Hugs and love,
Alphonsus / Steve

Okay, folks, I'm officially moving

2009-01-25T11:56:00.002-05:00

I am changing my blog location and abandoning Blogger in favor of WordPress. My new address will be http://alphonsus.wordpress.com. Please update all of your links and feeds. I have a new post there already, so check it out.

Hugs and love,
Alphonsus / Steve

Shall I Move this Blog to Wordpress?

2009-01-24T06:40:00.005-05:00

I was playing around with Alphonsus's Written Word yesterday and found a way to create a second blog. As an experiment, I transferred the entire content of my Blogger blog, comments and all, over to WordPress.

Now the question is, what do I do with it? I have an established presence here on Blogger, and virtually all of my friends use it exclusively. On the other hand, I love the dashboard of WordPress, and the way it tracks statistics. I have found WordPress to be a better experience overall then Blogger. What's more, as WordPress is not associated with Google, I don't have to log out of one Gmail account over to another just to use it. This has been just a minor annoyance, but it is an annoyance nonetheless.

I've yet to set up and widgets on the WordPress version of Alphonsus's Random Drivel. I'd like to get the feed back of my friends before I do that. I'm still looking at templates over there. There are about 60 of them, varying from 1 column to 3 columns, with fixed or flexible widths.

Hmmm. I guess I'm kinda sold on WordPress. What I'm looking for are any good reasons why I should NOT move.

My new blog address would be http://alphonsus.wordpress.com

Love and peace and seeking the joy, whatever the hell that is.

Alphonsus

New Written Word entry

2009-01-23T10:18:00.001-05:00

I've just added a new entry to Alphonsus's Written Word. This one is part of the "Laments of the Gardener's Husband" series and is called "The Rototiller".

http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/the-rototiller/

The Confusion of the Conservative Talk Radio Hosts

2009-01-22T23:04:00.011-05:00

I hate labels. I am a firm believer that if a person labels someone else as being something, the labeler stops seeing that person as being an individual and rather tends to begin to color all of their actions as being part of the label.

This also applies to labels applied to self. When we label ourselves, we, to a certain extent, stop thinking and suddenly start taking some of the labels tenets a gospel. Labels can be convenient shortcuts. So easy is it to forget that they are no more than that.

That said, let me give the audience some shortcuts about me. I am not a liberal, and I am most certainly not a socialist. I am not even a centrist. My political leanings tend to be to the right, for the most part. I have described myself in the past as a fiscal conservative and a social liberal. By all rights, this would make me libertarian, except that most libertarian ignore there own doctrine and are best described as fruitcakes.

I say this in preamble because I am about to make a confession that will shock many of you. I am a dedicated Rush Limbaugh radio listener. I started listening back in the days of the Gulf War. He was the only one who seemed to be talking sense at the time. To me the war was obvious and necessary. It seemed to me that most of the other radio station hosts were trying desperately to find reasons to be against it.

Rush is not, by any definition, an unintelligent man. Those who don't listen to him tend to stereotype him as a closed-minded, hate mongering bigot, which he is most certainly not. He is conservative, and holds conservative ideals close to his heart. While I don't agree with much of what he says, I will say that what he says usually has sound reasoning behind it. I can't say the same thing for other conservative hosts, such as Sean Hannity. Honestly, I don't listen to him as often, but his commitment to dogma seams to be much more ingrained, and, dare I say, somewhat forced? Sean has become, or at least acts, as the label ha has placed upon himself.

But this post is about the Conservative reaction to Barack Obama. I knew of the liberal reputation of Obama, and even as he spoke I could hear a certain naivete in his words. I voted for him anyway. Me, a conservative, small government supporter, voting for a man who seemed to advocate government as the solution to everything.

And that is what the conservatives see -- ALL that they see. What I see is a young, somewhat naive, but very, very intelligent politician. I see Obama as a man who is not fixed in his way of thinking but is open to knew ideas. I see him as a man who can be told a simple truth and who is capable of recognizing it. I see him as a man who is an optimist, and a man who has the gift to be brutally honest without alienating his supporters. I saw, and still see, in Obama perhaps the most intelligent, most humble president we've ever had.

Rush has been unable to see any of this. For the first time since I've been listening to him, he's actually been sounding positively apoplectic, willing to grasp at any straw in order to evilize Obama. He has struck home and made some decent points on occassion. For the most part, however, he seems to be stuck more into his own caricature, i.e. Liberalism is evil, Obama is Liberal, therefore...

I missed Rush's reaction to Obama's inaugural address. I was able to tune in for a bit yesterday. Rush was uncertain what to make of Obama's executive order regarding Gitmo. When he was making the announcement of the order's specifics, Obama kept referring to his legal adviser...the actual author of the plan, for details. Rush said he has never seen another President do this, and how was he supposed to feel confident in a President who wasn't even sure what his executive order was all about.

What I saw was simple delegation and trust that his advisers had done their job properly. Obama had no doubt read over and approved the plan, but because it had happened so fast he didn't remember all the details, so when talking about it, he turned to a man who did. I would far rather he do this than give out possible false or incomplete information, or to waste time committing every detail to memory when the full details could be just as well explained by asking a few questions of someone else during a pres conference. For Rush, this was another reason to doubt. For me, it was just another reason why I maintain faith in the man. He is a leader. That means hiring good people and knowing how to manage them and get good answers from them. It does not necessarily mean having all the answers yourself.

As for Gitmo, no matter what your beliefs in the justification of the actions taken there, the fact of the matter is is that it has garnered the reputation that seems to have placed a black smear on the American soul. Whether the reputation is fair or not is irrelevant. The place NEEDS to be closed on the basis of that reputation alone.

Still, Rush Limbaugh seems to be willing, deep inside, to give Obama a chance. He expects him to screw up, but Rush is smart enough to know that even he would be stretching it to continue to call Obama the epitome of Liberal Evil. Sean Hannity...well, I don't know him as well, but from what I heard from him he seems so unreasonable yet so intelligent that I almost have to believe that the man is more interested in his reputation and ratings then he is in expressing the truth.

I sincerely hope that I have not misplaced my trust. Obama will make errors. That he believes the problem with the car companies is the fact that they haven't been making enough green cars is very naive. That he has bought into the mass insanity that is global warming is disappointing but not surprising. The world of manufacturing is going "green" on its own, finding profits to be made in that direction as well, so perhaps this will not be a bad thing. Even though I am far from convinced that global warming even exists, I am in favor of clean air and recycling and less oil dependency. Ultimately this leads to similar results. I would prefer that Obama not try to rush the world into something it's not ready for and cause financial instability in the process.

So, let us hope for a better, stronger future. Let us hope that Obama never labels himself and stops thinking in the process. Let us hope that others are able to break their self labels and begin to think again.

Love, peace, and all that good shit.
Alphonsus

Of Cabbages and Kings - Chapter 1

2009-01-22T09:49:00.004-05:00

I posted the first chapter of my book on Alphonsus's Written Word. I've pretty much gone through all of the suggestions asked of me in my "Story Teller" post. I'm debating either asking for more suggestions, starting to write on some of the topics from Inksters or some other group (I don't like the 500 word limit though), or just sitting back and focusing on my book. I'm still up in the air on this, so I'll let y'all know.

Love,
Alphonsus / Steve

Second Chances...sigh

2009-01-20T06:23:00.002-05:00

If only we could do it all again, knowing then what we know now.

I'd start in the summer break between sixth and seventh grade. A simple trip to the doctor could have changed my life then and ever after.

Ah well. It is so very true that it does no good to dwell in the past. What's that quote? Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. Something like that, anyway.

The quote, I know, was by an author by the name of Carl Bard, or something like that. The name isn't important. The point was that it was all I could find about the man. I searched all over the net, even some books at work. Nothing. The quote exists in isolation. The quote could have been written sometime in the last 15 to 20 years, or it could have been written a century ago He was born, had a family, grew up, possibly got married and had children. He's listed as an author, but none of his works can be found today. All that remains of him is this single quote, which I can't even remember properly.

At least, however, he has that. A single quote from the past that reached out and touched someone in the present. How many billions of other human beings have far less than that?

That isn't really fair though. Each one of those billions of human beings have shaped the world we live in now. Their lives, their decisions, all of it DID matter. For the people we are and the people we meet from day to day were influenced, and perhaps even created, by persons now long dead and forgotten. The threads they wove through the souls of their brethren still remain today.

And yet I lay here in bed, feeling sorry for myself because I can't go back and change the past. The future is out there for my taking. Every day I have the opportunity to grab it, to try to make it mine. And every day I continue to live my little life of quiet desperation ... a management librarian in a mid-sized town. One among millions like me.

Why do we ask for second chances when we fail, continuously, to grab the first chances that are always available to us.

Love and hope, all my friends,

Alphosus

Building in the skies again. (plus another writing entry)

2009-01-19T06:41:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's true. I've began building again in earnest. Princess put up a sky platform over Peck's Retreat, and on of the first things I decided to do was to build my own conservatory / workshop. Since I'm in a land where steampunk is acceptable, I decided to build things along those lines. My first construct, therefore, I call Peck Conservatory 1, and floats in the sky next to Princess's platform. It employs two continuously turning wind screws to keep her afloat, a fan for air conditioning and positive air pressurization, and a dilating steam door for access. I've found it to be a marvelous work space, and what it lacks in width (the platform inside is only six meters wide), it more than makes up for in length (the construct is more than 30 meters long). I'm getting ready to put the thing for sale on XStreet SL, although I may need to add some details to make it more salable. The length is a bit too ungainly and from end to end is more than 32 meters. The door currently is set only to open to group members and has no lock/unlock options, and the screws and steam are "always on." It might be good to have a feature by which they can be turned off.

I've also begun work on a steam powered Cataporter, but the look at the moment is not quite to my liking. A lot of work remains to be done on this project.

Lastly, I have uploaded an antry on Wren's behalf (she requested something about a seed) to Alphonsus's Written Word. The work is something older of mine that vaguely fit the theme, and is called Pregenesis. Please check it out.

All Things Must Pass

2009-01-15T23:29:00.001-05:00

I finished writing AuroraSkye's entry. For the story and more information please look at http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/all-things-must-pass/

Love and peace, everyone
Alphonsus

Twins can't keep their hands off of me. ;)

2009-01-12T12:06:00.000-05:00

You Attract a Gemini

When flighty, unpredictable, restless Gemini meet you, they've met their match.

You can keep Gemini on their toes, and that's exactly where you want them.

You know how to add spice and newness to a relationship, quicker than your Gemini can even think about being bored.

You keep life interesting for your Gemini. And your Gemini certainly makes life interesting for you!

What Sign Do You Attract?

My Birthday Weekend

2009-01-12T11:32:00.004-05:00

I think I can safely say that my birthday sucked. This is a descriptive term, not one based in any ill feeling. But, given the way that that day went, I would say that "sucked" is clearly the word that describes it best.

It started off all right, with my wife posting my birthday on her blog and being very affectionate in the morning. I knew that things were going down hill when she sent me an e-mail saying that repairs to pfkat's car will be $1200, which is about $1000 more than we expected. (pfkat, for those who don't already know, is our 20 year old daughter. The letters stand for Person Formerly Known as Teenager).

Then I got a call from my wife indicating that pfkat got a call from work indicating that she was late. She drove my wife's car hastily across town, and vomited all over herself and the car just as she pulled into her work place's parking lot. She was terrified that she was going to get written up for it, and, between that and the car costs, made the rest of my wife's day miserable.

So, my wife was not in the best of spirits when I took her, my mother, and my other daughter out for my birthday dinner at my favorite restaurant. This restaurant rarely has a wait, so it was rather unprecedented to find the parking lot full to bursting when we arrived. The hostess said that there would be at least a half-hour wait, and there were no seats to sit in while we waited. Apparently they had booked a wedding party and another large gathering simultaneously without first consulting me as to what my seating preferences were. Crushed with disappointment, we left in search of food.

We ended up at a dive called the Flamingo, which has edible enough food, but not food worthy of a birthday. The non-smoking session was virtually full while the smoking section was nearly empty. Naturally we sat in non-smoking at a tiny table, people all around us, and someone constantly stepping on my coat. I had a hamburger, which, again, was edible. The place served no alcohol, which may have been for the best but was not the way I wanted to spend my evening, nonetheless.

I dropped off the mom, the wife, and the kid, and went promptly to sleep at home, having only had 2.5 hours of sleep the night before.

The morning after, I woke up and went to turn on my computer, only to get a bone chilling "System Disk not found" error message repeatedly. The drive was fine, so it seems to be something wrong on the motherboard. Pfkat gave me one of her old computers so I was able to make due, but it will cost me a minimum of $300 to fix my machine unless I can somehow diagnose it myself. This happened on a day of record snowfall in our state.

That night, I got a horrible rash from my wedding ring and spent the evening wanting to chop my finger off. I took an antihistamine, which made me tired and sent me to bed, again, early.

Sunday at least was mostly uneventful. The snow blower worked, pfkat did not get a reprimand from her job, and my finger itched less. I announced that I put a chapter of my book up at three different locations, and got exactly one viewing. Oh well.

So, here I am at work, looking at massive piles of papers on my desk, wondering what happened to my weekend. Another snow storm is predicted for tonight. Oh joy.

Of Cabbages & Kings - Prologue

2009-01-11T15:21:00.002-05:00

I posted the prologue to my book on my writer's blog:

http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/11/of-cabbages-and-kings-prologue/.

I feel kinda exposed putting this one out there.

Birthdays and a new writing blog entry, The Twighlight of Manhood

2009-01-09T09:31:00.003-05:00

The logic of the world's calculating engines declared this day to be my 46th birthday. I plan to spend it quietly, eating at one of my favorite pizza places and getting mildly drunk. I won't be allowed to get too drunk as a snow storm is predicted for this evening and I want to be able to drive.

After spending time with in the real world with family, and perhaps shopping for a Wii, I might spend a bit of time in SL tonight, eating a virtual cake and/or more pizza.

I put up another entry in my writing blog as a hold over while I work on AuroraSkye's. This one, called Twilight of Manhood, was an award winning entry from an in-world writing contest.

Peace

2009-01-08T14:53:00.001-05:00

Your Word is "Peace"

You see life as precious, and you wish everyone was safe, happy, and taken care of.

Social justice, human rights, and peace for all nations are all important to you.

While you can't stop war, you try to be as calm and compassionate as possible in your everyday life.

You promote harmony and cooperation. You're always willing to meet someone a little more than halfway.

What's Your Word?

The Snow Blower

2009-01-07T16:16:00.003-05:00

I've added one of my older works to my writing blog to keep my readers entertained while I work on AuroraSkye's suggested topic. Read and enjoy.

http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/the-snow-blower/

SINGULARITY

2009-01-04T22:52:00.004-05:00

I have finally finished WildStar's suggestion, and published in my Alphonsus's Written Word blog.

The location is: http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/singularity/

All the details of it's writing are there. Enjoy.

Where...

2008-12-30T07:02:00.001-05:00

Where am I going, and why am I in this hand basket?

And exactly WHY am I standing here?

2008-12-29T07:39:00.002-05:00

My alarm went off at it's typical 7 this morning. I stumbled out of bed to discover that my wife had stumbled out of bed first to use the bathroom, and that pfkat was parked on the couch playing a video game, having not slept all night. As I was still tired, and both of these events are somewhat unprecedented, I was at a complete loss as to what to do next. I stated my confusion and my daughter explained the state of things, throwing in mention that I was standing there looking dazed. I realized that I reflexively wanted to go into the living room to sleep for another hour, but as the pfkat was there this was not an option.

Now my wife is desktopping in the kitchen, the pfkat has gone to bed, and as I sit here I realize that I'm working the late shift today and I don't even NEED to be awake yet.

So, I can hardly say that this day is not starting out well as technically it is not even supposed to be starting yet, and really nothing bad has happened.

I think I'm going to do something next that involves more sleep. I'm reasonably sure that this is a good idea. I think.

Joyeux Noel

2008-12-24T21:35:00.004-05:00

I'll admit that my heart isn't deeply into Christmas this year. But I have a great many friends with whom I am blessed, and their joy and happiness means a great deal to me. May you all find the joy somewhere in this holiday season. Find whatever reason that feels real to you, and make it a reason to celebrate.

Merry Christmas. May peace one day come to earth, and, also, may it come one day to each and everyone of your hearts.

Alphonsus / Steve

The CAT is BACK

2008-12-07T13:36:00.002-05:00

I am proud to announce the release of Cataporter 3.0, which overcomes the problems with the Havoc 4 physics engine and once again allows avatars to fling themselves willy-nilly across the grid.

I'm SOOOO happy!

It seems that there WAS a change in SL physics with the new engine. In Havoc 4, it is true that an object in motion tends to remain in motion. However, it seems that an avatar in motion tends to instantaniously stop its motion when detached from the object, and fall flat to the ground. Since the object disapeared within 0.5 seconds, this falling tended to happend distressingly close to the Cataporter itself.

The fix was obvious once I realized that this was happening. Now the object (called a toss-about), stays invisible yet fixed to the avatar throughout the flight. The flight is now a bit more chaotic, as the avatar spins through the air, but the landing can be a bit more unpredictable. It can result in a bounce, a roll, or a simple stand, depending on a number of unpredictable factors. The "splat" can still happen, but not quite as frequently.

Anyway, I have it back on XStreet SL,(http://www.xstreetsl.com/modules.php?name=Marketplace&file=item&ItemID=264951). I would still like to make a few more tweeks (making it easier to program in coordinates across sim borders, for example), but that can wait for version 3.1.

So, I'm happy, and I'm sure that the SL will be beating down my door as soon as I start my advertising campaign again. I'm going to have to go through and give fresh copies to all my previous customers (that shouldn't be TOO hard).

But, it's back.

/me sighs happily.

Just a quick update

2008-11-24T23:53:00.003-05:00

I've been easing my way back into Second Life. We have the new house in Milkwood and have gradually been settling in. The house is full-mod, and I've been moving around windows, adding extra walls, and in general customizing the place.

I got Alpha to give me permission to use her land to work on the Cataporter. I've played with several hours and have yet to even define what exactly is going wrong with it. It seems to behave randomly at times, which suggests some possibilities in itself. It's going to be a long haul getting it fixed, if it's even fixable. It might just be fundamentally incompatible with Havoc 4. Frustrating, either way.

I've started working on Wildstar's singularity story again a little. I'm going to start posting my short stories in a new blog, Alphonsus's Written Word, run through Wordpress, just so I can keep these separate. Not much there yet, but give it time.

I miss coming in as Hestia. Her only purpose for existence is to have fun, where as Alphonsus is actually expect to get work done. Princess doesn't really like Hestia (don't tell Hestia--it would break her heart. Actually, Hestia would be more likely to respond by orbiting Princess, if she knew how.)

Goodbody, every night.

Alphonsus

GENDERBENDER OMG!

2008-11-12T00:01:00.002-05:00

I have the privilege of hosting the post of the legendary Torley Linden on my blog for Mix'n Match One, and what's more, my wife, Princess Ivory, is similarly privileged to have Torley deal with the topic that she suggested. Torley is, in a word, brilliant. Torley has found Second Life to be an ideal environment to overcome Aspergers Syndrome, a syndrome he shares with my brother and on the same spectrum as my own ADD. Neither my brother nor I share the same interest in watermelons, however.

Alphonsus

_________________________

I've lived my Second Life® as almost every possible gender: the "usual" male and female, plus a host of alien orientations, such as androgynous giant amoebae and lumps of watermelon-colored rock. This, in turn, has taught me a few valuable lessons. I was going to list them as bullet points, but they're slightly more involved paragraphs, patches of an ongoing journey. Take what you can, smile at what you will, and if it makes you uncomfortable, live on — and learn from within.

It's still a lot easier to find clothes as a girl. I don't just mean accessibility, but variety. Unless you have a flamboyant style a la David Bowie or Elton John (I do), it's hard for a guy to wear anything he darn well pleases. If you're not versed in my backstory, my first female avatar was dubbed Torley Jr., a mysterious time traveler who came to me in a dream in Nov. 2004. At the time, my first life was suffering from depression. I decided to enact a unique kind of therapy by role-playing as my daughter from the future, come back to cheer up her dad. Definitely unorthodox, and I wouldn't be surprised if we see more of this in the future. In the process, I delighted in all the wild fashions I could pick out, and wondered at my newfound cyber-femininity. Contrary to rumor, Torley Jr. wasn't modeled on a single source, but like SID 6.7 — only not a mass murderer — is based on many women I admire. I'll let your own experiences deduce which ones.

Not dissimilar to first life, like how skirts on men are uncommon (kilts are an exception), a woman can wear just about anything a man can without being taunted. The opposite is not true, and bigotry and lame double standards upset me.

Electric lesbians?

I keep hearing how many guys play girls, but the opposite isn't true. At least, not openly. We may never have exact numbers, but despite how hard it can be to candidly discuss this in the open, being a female avatar does make me — as a guy behind the keyboard — feel different. I don't type differently (I've long used cutesy emoticons like ^_^ as it's a continuation from my raver days, as is "Friendly greetings!"), but I do pay special attention to my lady avatar's body language through Animation Overrides. However, being me, that's soon counterpointed by contortionist, meme-infected gestures.

After several months of being a fem av, I came to the realization that beyond the snits and giggles, Second Life can be quite a healthy place to explore one's sexuality. Including the oppressed, the curious, and the disabled/differently-abled. But it can take going out of your comfort zone, perhaps bucking the traditions you were raised with to become aware of who you really are. Sometimes, I've been a furry, and while I'm not a full-fledged lifestyler, I do have several fursonas, including:

Her name is Tollie and this avatar was created by Evangeline Suavage. Tollie is loyal, plays the cello, and enjoys hugging cats while drinking hot choco (as shown). Apparently, I also learned a lot about avatar customization simply by having many wonderful avies. Intricacies such as fitting high heels on small feet, resizing a watch to fit a fur's thick prim wrist, and other usability concerns accompany my creative storytelling.

Land of 1,000 smiles

Some of my roots come from Thailand, where gender is a lot more fluid. There is a word: "kathoey", which roughly translates to "ladyboy", but it also refers to a third gender. Thai culture is quite tolerant of transsexuality compared to America, where gay-bashing continues to get headlines, despite homophobia being a disgustingly archaic and cruel form of barbarism. While I'm not a "RL kathoey", I can empathize when I'm in my female forms. My personality has always been a minditching contradiction, blending gentle meekness with a fierce energy, and as different civilizations have tried to characterize this — as the Chinese did with "yin and yang" — I realize how much of the total spectrum I am, whether I'm a man…

a Dazzle Bat (courtesy of Sylver Bu)…

MELONZILLA (thanx to Milki Unknown)…

or a fuzzy cousin of the FSM (w00t Yoa Ogee)…

These, and many more each bring out different points of my personality.

The map is not the destination, the label is not the limit

As a versatile spirit of this cyberworld, I call myself an omnisexual, which means I'm open to being attracted across all genders, but my actual intrigue is very specific. Someone can't just be a man/woman, they need to possess a personality and charm which fascinates me. (I think this is true for many, but I state it for clarity.) If you've studied my past, you know I was involved with Jade Lily, who's also male in first life. After discovering ourselves and each other further, we separated and are now both with women in real life. The stereotypical knee-jerk is to assume I was in denial of my gayness, but of course, I'm far more flexible than any cramped perception… it wasn't that. As Bill Cosby would vocalize, you see, when I was younger, I termed myself a "straight guy", but I now see how that doesn't even begin to describe me and my celebration of your love across cultures, creeds, colors, and classes.

As the story would have it, I met a creative woman named Ravenelle Zugzwang who I'd rise (not fall) in love with. I mused before hearing her voice, that I couldn't sure if she was really a woman or a man. Interestingly enough, she previously presumed I was really a chick too! But what did it matter? As I'd learned in my inworld adventures, being an avatar can bring out the real us, and as dismissive as it sounds to older attitudes, our physical bodies are just "details", flesh prisons which limit us all too often, when we can see far beyond… if we allow ourselves to.

Lovecat tinies by Achamo Paine.

Get me right

It's intriguing how popular view of me has transitioned from thinking of me as male, to female, to male, and then to all manner of watermelon-colored crazy. I once was afraid of voice chat, but after making many video tutorials, 1,000s of Residents heard my genetic voice and I could muse:

Behind every great female avatar there's a great man.

(Meant with a touch of jest and a dash of earnesty.)

We wouldn't have Second Lives if we didn't have first ones. And there is joy in accepting our imperfections, growing on what we can improve, and letting the rest be. As obvious as water is wet, desires differ. For instance, depending on your priorities, having children may be a must, or for others, adopting a pet cat is what's right. But there is so much out there for us as humans, and the more I got to know Ravenelle, the more I knew she was for me. We enjoy our present together, making funny home movies…

… oh, and enjoying both a contented domestic existence and a fruitful Second Life.

This is a new age!

A new age where people are born with a biological gender and elect optional genders online. Just as how we can choose a new name and identity within Second Life for ourselves, gender is part of this overall package. It gets regarded as freakish by some, even some SLers, but the real forward-thinkers and -doers know how antiquated this mentality will be in years to come.

Hating someone for a choice of love and friendship is as ridiculous as banning colors from the rainbow. Nature adores diversity. My wife prefers me to be in a male avatar, but there are times when we are sexay doggirls…

Beautiful skins by MiaSnow Myriam, I must say.

The reasons for being an opposite gender have been discussed in surplus: some do it as a social experiment, others don't think much of it sexually, and others still use it to find relationships they can't fulfill "IRL". Mine has been a combination of reasons, but primarily, finding peace with myself, being a whole me by not just expressing my femininity, but my humanity!

It strikes me as strange how choosing to be yourself can take so much courage. But when I see people who've freed themselves from behaving as others expect them to, it all makes sense.

Torley amplifies your awesome with the useful and fun. The aforementioned views are my own and don't necessarily reflect the position of my employer, Linden Lab. Especially everything about watermelons.

_____________________________________

Torley's blog can be found at http://torley.com/second-life-bloggers-mixn-match-1-posts-are-up
Princess Ivory, who suggested this topic, has a blog that can be found at http://hrhprincessivory.blogspot.com
Alphonsus Peck's entry for Mix'n Match One is on the subject of "My Life and Exploration int the Virtual World" and can be found on the blog of Quirky Quaintly at http://quirkyquaintly.com
Alphonsus Peck's suggestion for a topic was "Digital Suicide" and can be found on the blog of Second Effects at http://secondeffects.com

Earn Us This Day Our Daily Meat

2008-10-28T08:10:00.001-04:00

The early morning sunrise cut yellow and orange shards of color across the sky. Stephan shivered as the wind of their momentum carried them through the air, and tried to wrap his leather jacket more tightly about his torso, wishing he had opted for something a little warmer. Temperatures varied wildly sometimes with altitude, and with the clear day Rosa was flying higher than she usually did.

There, to the left. Do you see it?

Stephan looked off to the left after Rosa’s telepathic message, bringing glasses to his eyes to help him see better in the distance.

Yes, replied Stephan. Looks bad from here. Bring us closer please?

Of course.

The great dragon extended its wings, its red scales glinting like fire in the light. It turned and dove at the same time, giving Stephan the familiar feeling in his stomach. He kept his glasses on the scene.

I see one. Not bad. Minor?

No, there are two. The other is below in the trench. I sense human death…suffering.

“Shit,” exclaimed Stephan aloud. The deaths were always the worst part of the job. They gave him nightmares at night.

How long? asked the dragon.

One minute ‘til they contact us. Our timing is perfect on this. It looks like this one is going to cause major problems.

No doubt. I can sense human anger and frustration stretching for at least three miles, and the incident couldn’t have happened more than three minutes ago.

Okay. The contact is almost ready. Just one moment…

A green light appeared on his headgear.

“Thank you, Dave. We just came on the scene of an injury-accident on east bound I-94 near Woodward, and traffic is backing up already at least to Livernois, with gawkers causing a slowdown in the west bound lane. I can see police and EMS on their way to the scene. You might want to look for an alternate route on this one. Also, we have the regular construction slowdown on I-75 at I-696. The morning rush is otherwise quiet, with traffic moving at posted speeds elsewhere. And this is Stephan Hudson on the dragon Rosefire with the WWJ traffic report.”

Stephan sighed and turned off his comm. Something about his job made him feel dirty. Down below was pain and suffering, and here he was, announcing it over the radio so that Joe and Mary Business-person could get to work 10 minutes earlier.

"Is there anything else we can do here?" asked Stephan, voicing his question rather than thinking it, as he often did right after a broadcast.

No, Stephan. Shall we move on? The automobile fumes smell like dragon flatulence here.

"Yeah, go ahead. Back to the regular routine." Stephan bit back his frustration as the dragon beat her beautiful wings, leaving the traffic far below her.

Two hours later Rosefire glided into the ranch that they called home. Stephan dismounted and removed the saddle, and Rosefire tottered off to her horde beneath the straw roof of her open stable. While the horde was breathtaking from a distance, Stephan knew that it was mostly composed of costume jewelry, polished brass, colored bottles, and other pretty but largely worthless shineys. Even though there might be some decent loot in there, no human would dare to try to steal from it. Very few human laws applied to dragon behavior, and for any human to attempt to steal from a dragon's horde... Suffice it to say that no one in history has ever successfully gotten away with it for long, and human law very much looked the other way at whatever the dragon chose to do with the transgressor. No humans were stupid enough to make the attempt.

Stephan looked at his dragon. Since he was bonded with it when he was ten, Rosefire had grown from a tiny hatchling to a strong, magnificent beast. The dragon was a fiery red color with streaks of white, and its neck stretched to nearly twice the tall man's height. In his eyes, Rosefire was one of the most magnificent dragons he had ever seen. Of course, he was somewhat prejudice because of the bonding, but still...

"This job is beneath your dignity, Rosa," he said, voicing a thought that was simmering in the back of his mind.

The dragon turned to look at him and smiled, in as much as a dragon can smile. You feel so, do you? Dignity is a human thing. I exist and do as I do. Perhaps it is YOUR dignity you speak of?

Stephan shook his head. "No, Rosa. This job is all I'm good for. Look at you though. You should be fighting wars, rescuing damsels...I don't know. Something! Something better than being a traffic dragon."

I find it odd how humans are capable of equating fighting wars with 'dignity'. No dragon will participate in a human war, and we only fight when we must. As for rescuing humans, that is your choice, Stephan. There are always positions for emergency rescue dragons. But I could only get you to the scene. You would have to be the one to do the work. And you are not...fond of the sight of blood.

Stephan cringed. He could not watch Rosefire eat. Dragons liked their food fresh and alive. The ranch had sheep and cattle and pigs for this very purpose. Rosefire ate while Stephan slept out of respect for him. Stephan felt a surge of inadequacy rise up in him. He didn't deserve a dragon.

"I don't know, Rosa. We have to come up with something better than this. You are being wasted."

What did you have in mind, Stephan? I am open to new ideas. I am content with what we do. It earns money and keeps me with plenty of meat. I miss hunting, true, but that is something I can do when we vacation, and that is adequate.

"Then I'm going to have to rise to your potential, Rosa."

Rosefire nodded. Very well, but it is your potential you must find, Stephan. I am who I am, and feel no desire to be more. I will try to help you think of something though, my friend.

Genetic Engineering R Us

2008-10-27T01:06:00.005-04:00

"I can't believe we're doing this."

Roger sighed and made a slight adjustment on the instrument he was working on. "And I can't believe how many times you can repeat the same damned statement of disbelief. Just shut up and get the job done, Bill."

"This is ground-breaking fucking work, you know that, Rog?" replied Bill, ignoring Roger's previous statement, angrily shoving a print-out to the floor and consulting another one. "This is work worthy of Nobel prizes. But will we get prizes? No! Why? Because the assignment is fucking moronic!"

"We got our prize already with the monkeys," grumbled Roger. "Any progress with the neural rewiring yet?"

"The monkeys were a cakewalk compared to this. The problem is that the neurons will take so much rewiring that I don't think the god-damned thing will still be classifiable as a frog any more."

"Just do the best you can."

"Look at this fucking thing!" shouted Bill in frustration, shaking a piece of paper in the air in such a way as if he expected Roger to jump from his seat and look at it in interest. Roger did not even glance in his direction. "It's a fucking frog! It's eyes are nearly useless for what we need. They can't see a fucking thing unless it moves!"

Roger groaned.

"Did you know that if you buried a frog up to its ass in dead flies that the damn thing would starve to death? Dead flies don't move. Frogs like to eat things that move and fly. Fly, Roger! That's why frogs like flies Roger!"

"I know Bill."

"But you know what, Roger? Human food is usually dead when they eat it. It doesn't walk. It doesn't run. And it most especially doesn't fly, unless you happen be in a fucking middle school cafeteria."

"Yes, Bill. Please...."

"And you know what else doesn't fly, Roger? Pizza doesn't fly. Therefore, frogs have no interest in pizza. It's why you don't see frog infestations at Italian restaurants."

"I know Bill. But the lady is paying us very well, so we should just do the job and shut up about it. She wants a frog that likes pizza. Forget the eyes. How about smell?"

"Yeah, frogs can smell. They use their sense of smell to find other frogs. Now, if the lady wanted a frog that would MATE with a pizza, that would be a lot easier. But sex is different than food..."

"Truly words of wisdom, Bill. Can you cross wire..."

"...Yes I can try to cross wire, but figuring out what the hell will come out when we engineer the gene is hard to predict. If we're not careful we might get a frog that tries to eat other frogs and wants to mate with flies."

"Look, just make it happen. We promise to genetically engineer any pet that the patron is willing to pay for. We got the flying monkeys, and we won a Nobel prize. We're getting paid to make a frog that likes pizza. It's possible, we're going to do it. This is our job. Now quit bitching and just fucking make it happen!"

Bill grumbled, but said nothing in response. Roger closed his eyes at the sudden blissful silence.

Blissful, but, alas, short-lived.

"And did this lady wonder for even a second about just how the fuck the frog is supposed to eat the fucking pizza? That tongue ain't going to accomplish shit unless we cut the pizza into crumbs. We sure as hell can't get those damned legs to hold a slice. Frogs don't have opposible thumbs...did you know that? And then there's the fact that frogs can neither bite nor chew their fucking food. Their teeth would come in very handy though if the damned pizza tries to get away."

"We'll just explain to the woman that the pizza will have to be pre-cut."

"Also explain to her that pizza would best be petrified, 'cause I don't know how else the damned tongue is going to pull one of those greasy things into his mouth."

Roger slammed his hands on the keyboard. The table rattled, and several petri dishes almost bounced onto the floor.

"Okay Bill. Your call. We can tell the lady it can't be done, and turn down one of the most lucrative contracts we've ever been offered in addition to spoiling our near perfect reputation. Or we can try to give her the best damned pizza loving frog that we can engineer. Either pick one or the other, but either way, stop whining about it! Please."

Bill looked thoughtfully at Roger, a rather blank look on his face. He stared almost a full minute before he responded.

"Okay, we'll make the damned frog."

"Thank you. Good."

Bill grimaced and went quietly back to his work. They worked silently side by side for a long time.

"Those monkeys were something else, weren't they?" said Bill, interrupting the silence.

"Yeah, they sure were. Too bad they're banned almost everywhere because they like to dive bomb people and throw monkey poo on them."

"Yeah, well, what do you expect from a flying monkey?"

"Yeah. You get what you pay for."

Working

2008-10-24T22:45:00.002-04:00

I'm working on the stories. I have a wonderful start on Wildstar's singularity (I have a different understanding on what the event really means, and I'm exploring that angle.) I should be able to get a full short story out of that one, which perhaps later could be expanded to a novella. I have cute beginnings to Mykyl's Frog that likes Pizza idea, and Malakyte's dragon idea. Mykyl's idea probably will never get beyond a beginning. The idea I have for Malakyte could potentially be expanded to a full length novel, but probably never will be.

FD's idea of explaining the black whole I fell into for a while is kind of frightening to me. What I could do there is deep, insightful, extremely painful essay and the whatness of which. I'm not sure I'm emotionally strong enough to explore that one at this time. I could go a silly route, but silly just doesn't feel right for that one. 'Tis a sad tale, full of woe. We shall see.

So, I am busy working. It's just taking some time, as my availability to free time is limited and the use of the free time I have is far from optimal. I don't know if I'll publish in the order requested yet.

Love,
Steve

The Story Teller

2008-10-22T20:56:00.003-04:00

Back when I was in elementary school, I used to play a game with my classmates while we were out on the playground. I would have them, at random, pick the subject of a tale that they wanted me to tell. I would then spend the next ten minutes story telling, speaking very quickly. I, honestly, don't have a clue as to the quality of the stories I told. I do, however, remember having a small crowd around me as I did my stuff.

One or two years ago, I asked my wife to do the same thing for me. She would give me a topic, and I would spend some time writing on that topic. I believe my story The Can, which I recounted in an earlier blog post, came from my wife's prompt to write something on recycling.

In any event, I'd like to try a little experiment. I love writing, but for some reason I seem to do better when someone else gives me a topic than when I create my own.

So, I would like to ask my readers to give me topics. ANY topics. And I will endevor to write about it. I make no promises as to what I will come up with. It might be a non-fiction essay. It might be a fictional short story that barely brushes the topic. It may be a couple of paragraphs or it may be the first several chapters of a book. It may be silly, or it may be deeply serious. I haven't a clue...

...and neither do you.

I ask this as a small favor, and I hope to give you great returns.

Huggles.
Steve

Defining ourselves

2008-10-21T09:44:00.002-04:00

There is a phrase so popular that it has become almost a cliche -- remain true to ourselves. It is a good phrase, and caries with it lot of good feedback if followed. Nonetheless, the phrase does contain one very obvious problem, and that is that most of us don't really have a clue as to who the hell we are.

We are, each of us, an extraordinary combination of genetics and experience. Everyone we have ever met affects us in some way, everything we have read reflects in the person that we are. Yet, there is in each of us an almost undefinable sense of "I" that we live with every day.

We are neither master to the "I", nor are we it's slave. We can try to shape it, and we can to some extent, but some pieces of it will only bend so far before they either stop moving, or will break off entirely.

So what this "I" is changes subtly from moment to moment, and from day to day.

It has been said that the true measure of one's character is not in what they say, but in what they do. This, likewise, holds some truth. Unless the person is deliberately lying, what a person says they are is the shape they want themselves to take. When what a person does contradicts the words they say, this demonstrates the degree to which we have failed, for whatever reason, to shape ourselves into the person we wish to become.

Thus, this allows people to say they are one thing, and yet do something completely different, and yet allow the original statement to remain true. They can WISH they were the thing that they say they were. The can BELIEVE that they are capable of making true to their wishes, for they wish it so badly, yet, for whatever reason, they are unable to bend the "I" to make it conform to their wishes.

Thus, they beat up on themselves. Label themselves as untrustworthy failures. The labels we give ourselves often make it so. We don't know how to bend ourselves to our desires and thus we quit trying.

What I want myself to be and who I seem to be in reality are not the same thing. I continue to make effort to bend my reality to my desires, but I am beginning to run out of ideas as to how to make this happen and grow despairingly at my ability to ever do so.

Thus, it is my own fallibilities that make me so forgiving of others. I understand how hard I struggle to be who I feel I "should" be, yet remain stubbornly as I am. I also stubbornly refuse to accept that who I am is who I will always be, so I continue to make statements of intent and fail to live up to them.

Through observation, I believe that most people share the same struggles. Forgiveness is easy for me, for by forgiving them I find it easier to forgive myself. My struggle to shape "who I am" is never ending, for there are aspects of who I seem to be that are unacceptable to me.

The world, and the people in it, are not black and white. Even those we consider evil face their own struggles between right and wrong (or at least I like to believe they do). I am imperfect, thus I generalize that all are imperfect. I struggle to forgive myself for my imperfections, so I thus struggle to forgive the imperfections in others.

And thus this is who I am, an thus how I define myself. Forgiveness to me is not so much a matter of choice, but simply a facing of reality as I see it.

Peace to all, and may those who are now hurting find some solace in my words

Love,
Steve

23rd Psalms Alphonsus-ized

2008-10-19T23:22:00.003-04:00

Yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil
for my eyes are closed
and I am clueless
as to how much f'ing trouble
I am really in.

Ignorance is bliss

Hogs and peaches, everyone,
Steve

Cooked

2008-08-04T06:56:00.003-04:00

Back from the beach with 3rd degree burns over 40 percent of my body. My wife is in worse shape. I like beaches, but I'm not at all sure exactly what the point of lying in the sun and burning our skin is. It is hot, uncomfortable, and changes skin color from either a deep red to a brown or a bronze. This, to some people, is desirable. This, to me, is cooking. There are specific reasons why people don't climb into ovens at home to recreate. There is a mind set...oh never mind.

We had a pretty decent time over there. I don't say great time because one of our favorite institutions, Pinheads, was gone. It was a place that combined pizza and bowling, and, believe me, it was one of the classiest institutions in town.

I spent a lot of time at the beach, while the UV rays were having a laugh at my expanse, looking for shells. On our first day there the beach was littered with them. Thousands upon thousands of pieces of small broken shell, with only a few intact ones. When we got back to our room, I thought about this. The true marvel at the beach was the quantity of the shells, and who was to say that the broken ones were in any way less desirable the the ones that hadn't broken yet. My wife thought about this and agreed, and thought of a wonderful craft project she could use with the broken shells. Our second trip to the beach revealed almost NO shells of any sort. Our third and final trip revealed only fully intact shells. You can't win for losing. I suppose we can take a hammer to the fully intact shells we collected, but that sorta spoils the whole point of my original pithy observation. Mother nature has a wonderful way of fucking with our minds.

We came home to find that the pfkat had stolen BOTH of our chairs from our den for her new studio. I am now sitting in a fru fru wussy-assed kitchen chair instead of the leather-like, black, manly-man chair I usually sit in. This situation WILL be rectified.

I had a dream last night that somehow on my first day of school our 1st grade class had been scheduled to have a boxing match against the sixth graders. I, being the shortest kid in class (this was never the case in real life, incidently), was scheduled first, to fight the tallest of the sixth graders. The "event" got canceled. I kept waiting for the opportunity to use my joke, "I would have given his shins a beating that they never would forget," but the dream suddenly had me forgetting to bring a plate of cupcakes down to a stage, so I never got the opportunity. I found this disapointing. Reflectively, why I should find that not having the oportunity for one aspect of my dream self to tell another aspect of my dream self a rather "roll the eyes" joke disappointing is one of those great psychological mysteries of life.

I have one day of actual work, then almost two weeks of ... um ... self-improvement classes in a group setting. I'm hoping to get a lot out of them.

Love and peace to all of you. Alphonsus would rather I have my own blog rather than take over his, so I'll be doing that as soon as I have the time. In the mean time, talk to you all later.

NEW OWNERSHIP

2008-08-01T20:42:00.004-04:00

Greetings to all. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Steve. I am Alphonsus' animator. Alphonsus has not been making too many appearances of late, so I thought I'd take over for him for a while, if not indefinitely.

I brought Alphonsus into Second Life more than 2 years ago. He has always been within me, however. I'm not going to go into detail in an attempt to describe the relationship between Alphonsus and I. We are very much alike in that I've never tried to make him into something that I am not myself. In some ways, he is more than me. In other ways, he is naive to the functioning of the real world. I am as well, but the the problem is far more pronounced with him.

Another person whom I animate in Second Life is a chocolate colored, blond brat by the name of Hestia Enoch. This will not come as a surprise to most of you, as I have never tried to hide it very much. Many of you have deduced it, others I have told directly. The relationship between Hestia and I is far more complicated. She is still very much me, but she is an experiment with aspects of myself that I have not heretofore explored. She is thus fascinating to me, and I find her thus somewhat more fun to animate that Alphonsus. She is also as cute as the dickens.

This post, however, is not about either Alphonsus or Hestia. It is about me; the real life component of this strange trio. Unlike the others, I am not a perfect specimen of human physique. I am 45, approximately 35 pounds overweight (although I carry it well), far balder than the majority of my like-aged brethren, and I find that my ability to "fly" is limited to instances that last less than a second and do not achieve impressive heights, or, if starting from an impressive height, goes exclusively in one direction and ends somewhat painfully in the end. My attempts at weight loss through the "All Pizza" diet has thus far proved unsuccessful, which defies reason.

I am married to a beautiful if somewhat perplexing woman, and live in a very suburban home in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. I have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, which is supposedly somewhere on the Autism spectrum. This, to me, says very little, as I suspect that everyone falls SOMEWHERE on the autism spectrum. I happen to like my place on it, and I pity you Attention Surplus people who worry too much about the inconsequentials of life. Some people I suspect fall on the negative end of the autism spectrum, and are undoubtedly labeled with some other weird disorders with cool abbreviations that shrinks like to go on about.

I have also been diagnosed with depression, which comes and goes with me much as it does with most people, but it is somewhat more debilitating to me when it comes than it might be to the average human. Most of my emotional adventures are journaled elsewhere private, and will not be the subject of this blog. I may mention them from time to time, as depression combined with ADD can be quite entertaining if looked at from the correct perspective.

In sharing my real life adventures, I will be limited somewhat by my insistence on maintaining the privacy of others. The number one person whose privacy I consider important is my wife, who in Second Life is known as Princess Ivory. All I will say about her is that she is indeed a woman, her age is somewhere between 18 and 90, and she is the love of my life.

While I have not been spending a lot of time animating my alter-egos in Second Life of late, my life in real life has gone on largely unabated. Hence my need to shift this blog's focus from the virtual world to the so-called real one. Alphonsus had nothing much to say. I, however, do, thus the time has come for him to step aside and let me take over.

I don't wish to go on forever with this introduction to myself. There is much to say, but I have many years in which to say it. It is better to say in palatable sound bites as opposed to long epics. Love and peace to all of you, both my Second Life friends and their real life counterparts.

Steve

What is the worth?

2008-06-30T15:00:00.000-04:00

A well-known speaker
started off his seminar by:
holding up a $20.00
bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this
$20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this
$20 to one of you
but first, let me
do this.
He
proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who
still wants it?"
Still the hands
were up in the air.
Well, he
replied, "What if I do this?"
And he
dropped it on the ground
and started
to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a
very valuable lesson.
No matter what
I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into the dirt
by the decisions we
make and
the circumstances that come
our way.
We feel as though we are
worthless.
But no matter what has
happened or
what will happen, you
will never lose your value.
Dirty or
clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still
priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our
lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE and
WHOSE WE ARE.
You are
special
Don't EVER forget it."

2008-06-14T23:55:00.003-04:00

I feel like writing tonight. Not sure what yet. My brain is just in the mood for some deep thinking, and I thought I throw some random stuff out there and see what I come up with.

Today, in real life, I attended a pig roast. The food was wonderful and, while my daughter was somewhat disturbed by the look of the pigs head in the garage, empty eyes staring at her, she had a good time swimming and otherwise.

Tomorrow is Father's Day, which, as is usual, turns into a somewhat stressful day for me, trying to keep everyone happy. It will work out well enough, I suspect. I plan to take my daughter out to the Cranbrook Science Museum (like I have for the previous two years), as she expressed interest in going again. This could be a wonderful father's day tradition. I love the museum my the ascots I heard.

Good night. too tired to write anymore.

The Singular Emotion

2008-06-02T15:32:00.002-04:00

Am I angry? Am I happy? Am I sad? Am I depressed?

I envy those people who can define their emotions in a single word. So simple. So black and white. Just the simple ability to say, "Yes, I am angry."

It's never that simple for me. I look at what looks like a seemingly simple situation and see it all in five dimensions. All of the viewpoints, all of the uncertainties about my understanding of the viewpoints. All of the misunderstandings. All of the emotional issues allowing others not to see the situation clearly, and uncertainty about my own issues that may not allow me to see a situation clearly.

Just painting my emotions with the single color of, say, "angry" does not even begin to cover the full complexity of it. Too many other variables involved.

It is partially for this reason that I've been a strong proponent of the saying, "With Complete Understanding comes Forgiveness." It has been my experience that the more I understand someone the more that the reasons for their behavior the more that their behavior, be it "good" or "bad", becomes understandable...indeed, inevitable.

Do I paint with too broad a brush or too narrow a one? Am I too much a person who forgives first and asks questions later?

I'm too tired right now. "Anger" is definitely one of the emotions I'm feeling right now. Anger comes with several dozen other feelings. It's never by itself. Nothing in my life would ever be so simple.

Exhaustion is another feeling I'm having. I need a good nap. I cut out of work really so that I could get some rest. Don't want to spoil it.

Love you all

Staying real in an unreal world

2008-06-01T09:33:00.002-04:00

Second Life is, in many ways, the ultimate test of staying true to ourselves.

We can appear as anything we want in SL. We can be men or women, dragons or drow, angels or demons.

And when we can be whatever we want, whenever we want, concepts of physical beauty go out the window. True, almost everyone is physically beautiful in SL. But when everyone is the same it starts everyone on the same playing ground. Appearance begins to matter less and less the longer one stays in world. It is not the appearance on the outside that matters, but the character of the person on the inside that makes all the difference.

That is, of course, an overstatement. There are many people in-world who are superficial and will stay superficial for as long as they shall live. But those people are always out there, and we must learn to deal with them as best we can.

The real challenge is staying true to "the character inside." Second Life can be looked at as a training ground. All around us are temptations and various and creative ways to lose our souls. Experimenting with who we are is not a bad thing, but, ultimately, being who we are not will destroy us.

I'm talking about things like being true to our own personalities. Not condoning behaviors which we feel to be wrong. Not being deceptive when we don't feel ourselves to be deceitful people. Not hurting people just because we're anonymous and we can. Not giving in to peer pressure and give up being friends with people whom we would ordinarily stay friends with.

To thine own self be true. Learning who "thine own self" is is something that Second Life can help with. Sticking to that "own self" is a challenge that we must struggle with every day.

Love and Peace
Alphonsus

Bored?

2008-05-31T11:42:00.000-04:00

Go into town with a clip board. Ask random people what their favorite kind of toothpaste is. No matter what they say, giggle in disbelief, ask them if they are serious, shake your head sadly, and pretend to write it down.

This might even be more fun if you flash them a smile after they answer the question, and half of your teeth are blacked out.

Just an idea. :)

Life

2008-05-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

Physically, what makes us live seems as a miracle. Brains, neurons, blood, air...the fact that we live, if you think about it, is the most incredible thing in the world. That this ragtag collection of glued together meat can walk and talk and even sometimes think is incomprehensible.

We are wondrous miracles, each of us. We are all perfect in the eyes of creation. We are as we are, and to throw away this incredible gift of life, to me, would be unthinkable.

Even if you can't embrace the miracle of life, the least you can do is stand around and be awed by it. We are all far more miraculous then the Grand Canyon, only much closer and much easier to explore without riding on a donkey.

Learning to love yourself

2008-05-29T08:00:00.000-04:00

There was a time when I hated EVERYTHING about myself. Then I realized that my pancreas had never hurt me or anyone else. So, I learned to love my pancreas. Then I learned to love the muscles in little toe. Gradually I realized that all of me was really just doing the best that it could given the circumstance.

So start small. Repeat the phrase over and over again: Love me, love my pancreas.

Freedom

2008-05-28T12:46:00.000-04:00

We are all free within our limitations.

If I were a prisoner, shackled to a wall, my mind would still be free to do as it chose.

From 1984: "Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two equals four." The protagonist was tortured into relinquishing even this freedom.

If I am chemically depressed or emotionally beaten, I might not be capable of seeing where my freedoms lie. That does not mean they don't exist. They are there, waiting for us to find them and embrace them again, when and if we are ever capable of doing so.

Sabbatical

2008-05-06T23:23:00.001-04:00

As many of you may have noticed, I have not been spending a lot of time in resolved pixel form in world of late. My soul, or I should say the soul I share with my meat-world animator Steve, has been engaged in other adventures of life in toto. Stress, introspection, crisis, and learning have been, as always, having their way with me, and like any mistress of such masters, the time comes when I come must evaluate my own place in life, and see for myself where I really want to be.

I have been spending a great deal of my time in an online emotional support forum. Where Second Life gives me the opportunity to seek support and to give support on a semi regular basis, this forum gives me constant, unrelenting opportunities to attain these desiderata on a constant and as needed basis.

The result of this has been, quite naturally and expectedly, a total and unreasonable obsession with the place. This seems to be my nature, and as is also the nature of such places, they seem to attract people with similar predispositions to addiction. Thus, trying to get advice on breaking the addiction from such a place is like asking an alcoholic if your one glass of wine is too much. You might get good advice, but the odds are way against it.

The result of this shift in my interests has resulted in, as is also my nature, soul crushing guilt and a sense of failure. I have not, nor am I ready to abandon Second Life altogether. I’m not one to believe in absolutes. But as I am clearly not meeting my responsibilities in this world, it behooves me to bequest these responsibilities on to one more willing and able to carry them.

My mood has varied from wonderful to wanting to slam my head against walls, also nothing remarkable. My sleep has not been as I wish it to be, and I find myself unable to awaken in the morning. I’m not sure as to the reason for this, but my only solution seems to be sleeping earlier, which my body will not find difficult in the least, but my spirit rebels against. It seems like so little of my life is under my control, my evenings, where I am free to do as I please, are precious. I hate to sacrifice this time. But sacrifice I must…my work is our life blood. As much as I’d like to walk away from it, it is simply not a realistic plan for now or for the foreseeable future.

I am thinking of leading a local depression support group in RL, and I am thinking of taking singing lessons in Summer, and I am also thinking about starting on work to get my MSW (masters of social work), so that I can retire from the library at 55 and go on to a job that I would love.

A long enough ramble for tonight. There is much else to say (as is always the case), but I’m getting tired and I did want to put in at least a little bit of book time. Love and hugs to all my friends. We shall still be spending time together, it’s just that our meetings will be all the sweeter because of my absence.

Alphonsus

Just a place for to bring your discussion forward

2008-05-01T13:14:00.002-04:00

Anyone who wants to continue the immature bashing of Princess Ivory is welcome to bring their arguments here. I'm also happy to take on any bashes myself. Not asking for a flame war, but if you bring one here, I'm not gonna back away.

Breakthrough

2008-02-23T10:06:00.002-05:00

Warning: this blog entry may trigger bad memories. If you are very upset about a death in your family you should not read this. This is another excerpt from my unpublished book, and this one takes place near the end. The events are largely fictional, but the emotions behind the words are quite real. This chapter was one of the hardest things I've ever written, and it is still difficult for me to read. Sorry it's so long. I couldn't shrink it down any further than I did.

The speaker is Alex Taber, and he is relating the follow information to his shrink.

-----------------------------------------------

“Have you ever had one of those moments,” he asked, “when suddenly everything becomes clear to you--kind of an “ah-ha” revelation someone-just-washed-the-sand-out-of-your-head type of thing?

“Well, that time in the hospital was one of those times. I do remember it. I remember everything about it with such clarity: the colors, the smells, the sounds, all of it burned into memory like with a digital laser. Every moment permanently ingrained.

“And while you're sitting in this hospital room, suddenly everything is quiet and a feeling of peace washes over you. You don't want to leave the room. As long as you sit in that room and don't leave, time stops. Nothing has to go forward. You don't have to go out there and deal with the doctors and your mother and all the relatives and the other people.

“Because you've been feeling so stressed and guilty and as soon as you leave that room you will feel stressed and guilty again. But not just then. You're at peace for the first time in years because there is nothing else to do right then, and you know that this is the place you are supposed to be.

“But you can't stay there forever. She's getting cold and there are people waiting for you--people who need you to go out there so that they can be strong for you or who need you to be strong for them. The color you could see in her little face under the bandages is changing to gray. You're holding her little hand the whole time, as if the warmth of your body can some how seep back into hers and everything will be all right again. Except that you know that it never will be all right ever again. Not after you leave this room.

“But you do leave that room, and as soon as you do the shit starts again and it never really stops again after that.

“And you’re angry and there’s no one to be angry at. It’s no one’s fault. It’s not your daughter’s, it’s not the doctor’s, and it’s not the other driver’s. You can blame the ex but she’s dead too and can’t be touched. You can’t blame God or the devil ‘cause you don’t really believe in them.

“But you can blame yourself, and you are always there. You knew that the ex was a terrible driver, and you gave your daughter to her. And she was with her all the time.

“And she’s with her all the time.

“One Monday you wake up too early and grumbling because you have to get up early to buy cookies at the store so that your daughter can take them to school. The next Monday you can sleep in because you no longer have a daughter because you put her in a casket a couple of days before.

“And every thing you do after that that you couldn't do before because you were a father is tinged with guilt. Not just tinged but soaked; saturated. Everywhere you look you see things that remind you of her and you can't even talk about it with your wife because she doesn’t even know because she had filed for divorce three months before your daughter died because she couldn't take your spaceyness anymore and you can't talk about it with your parents because they're doing worse than you are.

“You see a box of girl scout cookies and the little girl on the front reminds you of her and you remember how you decided that you would just not worry about girl scouts with her because there just wasn't time and you choke down a single cookie when you used to eat them by the box and try to keep from crying while doing it because how could anyone ever understand your crying over a girl scout cookie when your little girl was never even in the girl scouts.

“And two months after that, two months after the casket and the flowers saying all the well meaning things that you pretend to find comfort in your father starts chemo therapy for something that can't be cured. The next thing you know he is shitting all over the floor and your doing what you can to keep your mother going and your father spirits up as they feed him with tubes and keep him in diapers and he can't talk because he has a yeast infection in his mouth. And the ink is just drying on the final divorce your wife has filed and you don't even know where she is.

“And as he's dying you can't even go to see him as often as you want because you're shutting down--because you really can't take it anymore. You really, really can't take it anymore for even one more second. But somehow the seconds and the hours and the days keep passing even though you do nothing to help them along and he dies and you go through the funeral shit again. And your mom can't pay for it so you help but your money is almost gone and you don't have time or the energy to pay your bills and you don't have the strength to deal with your job's looming collapse because you desperately need to have a mental breakdown yourself. But you don't have time for one because too many people need you to be a man and to be strong.

“But there's simply nothing to do but watch as your world falls apart around you. And you just keep thinking about how unfair it all is and how you really can't take it any more. You get angrier and angrier and you really can't take it any more.

“And you can’t get the images out of your head because they are so clear, but they can’t stay in there, but you can’t get them out because they are burned in, but they can’t stay, and so you try anything you can to get them out. You slash at them. You scream at them and they still don’t go away. So you pile all your anger and anxiety and confusion and depression and all that other junk on top of it just to bury it, just to forget about it for a little while. And it helps, but you start to forget other things too, and that’s okay because it has to be.

“But that anger is still there, and it's worse than ever because it's helping to bury the stuff you can't take. It simmers at the surface. And you still get more and more anger, and it still has no place to go.

“Do you want to know why I fight so well? It's all that anger, doctor. It's all of that tightly controlled rage, seething just beneath the surface, seeking some little chink, some tiny little hole, to escape from; all that helpless impotence that has been building and festering for your entire life.

“What happens when you take a life time of unfocussed, helpless rage and you suddenly give it a target? Here I come, a wandering lightning bolt, and I suddenly find a big fat lighting rod in the form of human sadistic scum. Someone degenerate, someone so incontrovertibly bad that there is no gray; no doubt, that he must be stopped.

“And all that rage finds a release, my friend. You suddenly become someone other. You are anger and rage personified. Anything that could once be called Alexander Taber now becomes nothing but fury contained in flesh. Anger grabs the rifle. Hatred splatters the bastard's intestines against the wall. Righteous indignation focuses the mind like a fucking laser beam on one goal: destroying the target.

“Speed is easy because you are pure emotion. It's all natural. It's instinct. Destroy the foe, that's all that you need to do. Destroy him in any way possible. No gray, no time to think, and no need to. It's the right thing to do. End the threat with a red wet splat and you'll be a fucking hero! Fail and you are dead, and so is everyone else--all of the innocent people--in the room. It's a no-brainer.

“It feels godlike. All that rage comes down on that poor bastard's head like a high-speed collision into a brick wall and he never knows what hit him before he's leaking his greasy insides on the floor.

“But no matter what you do--no matter how much anger you release, there's still more and more there building up and up and even when you release some it still builds up and some images still escape and you still can't take it and it has to stop and the guilt and the anger and you're the one that caused it and you're always there. No matter where you go or what you do, you’re always there. And you just want to find the peace again. Somehow, anyway you can, you want to--you have to--find the peace again.”

Head spinning in the right direction

2008-02-17T23:37:00.003-05:00

It has been a busy and tiring day. My head is spinning but overall I feel good. I was able to sleep in this morning, and that felt SOOOO good. When I woke up I immediately came in-world and I started out helping out with the grand opening of the Galeries of Faeria. Malakyte has her wonderful art displayed, and Mykyl and Wildstar and FD and Princess and many others have their art on display. It felt good. A lot of people showed up. I don't think a lot was sold, but I think everyone had a good time.

The evening turned into all Triskele cleric stuff. I met with Wren and Malakyte and Stormy and Winkie and SnowBlind and Sierra. It was supposed to be a simple meeting about spells with Wren and Mala and I. Turned into a menagerie of people and various discussions. I'm ready to put out version 1.0 of the Pantheon. We added one more dark god, and made it so that the Great Spirit can have worshipers. This means I will likely change my alliance over from Odin to the Great Spirit. Not only do I like her/it, but as the Divine Emissary it makes sense that I should worship the creator god. So Odin will be left in someone else's hands, once we get everything up and running.

The first Cleric Festival is set for next week Saturday and 4pm SLT, which means I'll have to miss next week's PHC. I need to remember to suggest Atheeena to Persephone, as well as Thom Dowd. Should be great for period music, and I'm hoping Petunia can come up with some more modern jams.

I still have a cauldron to finish for the "system". I hope to finish up a working version of that by tomorrow. I've been asked to participate in two writing contests. Shaw Eames, one of the runners of one of the contests, kept insisting on calling me "THE" Alphonsus Peck. Sigh. Good for the ego, but, still, sigh.

Council meeting tomorrow at 6pm sl. My brain is a bit fried at the moment. Just trying to keep all the words sorted out.

Veil

2008-02-11T01:01:00.000-05:00

After dealing with JewelFire's death all day, it just feels WRONG to even suggest that they might not be what she said was beyond the veil of death. Every ounce of my being wants her to be there, and to be at peace and to be happy.

If I knew that death were like what she said it was, I would not fear it so much. But I don't know. It is what she said it is...a veil...the mystery beyond. I don't know if there is a paradise or darkness beyond that veil. I want to know very badly, but only if it turns out to be be a good place.

Militant agnosticism. Easy words to say. But so hard to believe when the brutally unfair happens. Never is the desire for eternal bliss stronger than after to the dearth of someone who should not have died.

Cancer. The life take. The love taker. I fear your touch above all others. You took my father, my uncle, my best friend, and little Jewel.

Sigh... Sorry if this is a whining post. I'm just too tired right now to care.

Fear of SL-ying

2008-02-07T00:56:00.000-05:00

Ok. I admit it. I've been afraid to come back in world today. I've been out almost a week now and the amount of tasks that await me when I return are more than a little overwhelming.

I won't bore everyone with the details of everything I want to get done because they are boring. I'm just a little intimidated that the robes won't fit me when I put them on again.

Not to worry. This is just perfectly healthy paranoia. I will be back tomorrow night. Just mildly panicking about it.

I'm still sweating abnormally because of the latent ilness. I did go to work today, but I was largely useless while I was there.

And I' too sleepy to come up with a happy ending to the post. G'Night

Useless

2008-02-02T11:08:00.001-05:00

[RL] A flu bug mugged me, stole all my strength, and left me for dead last night. 101.3 temperature. Blah.

I'm still not exactly up for taking on the world today. In fact, my computer chair with the desktop computer strong enough to run SL seems impossibly difficult right now. As a result, I'm planning to be quite useless today. I'm not sure yet if I will go in-world (I REALLY want to talk to Winkie and get our bonfire event set up.) Cleric heal thyself.

Massive headache right now. I've been awake for almost half an hour. Time to take a nap, I think. Toodles.

The Universe and Everything Else

2008-01-30T23:45:00.000-05:00

[RL] I love science. I have been a science geek for as long as I can remember. Once, as a child, I got a fold up map of the solar system from McDonald's. I loved that thing, despite the flying french fries and hamburger space ships. I used to take my finger and pretend it was a space ship, and spend what seemed like hours flying from one planet to another. Kidtime is somewhat elongated, so it was probably no more than five minutes. But, as odd as it sounds, I remember that as one of my happiest childhood memories.

As virtually everything does, this brings me back to considerations of religion. One of my principles problems with the Bible is its earth-centric viewpoint of creation. "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." The heavens. 99.9999999999999999999% of creation is tossed away as an afterthought in that sentence.

Does the reader really have any idea how big "the heavens" are?

In my unpublished and one day to be rewritten book, Of Cabbages and Kings, I considered this question. I tried to create a version of God that was consistent with the universe as science says exits. Satan is one of the characters within the story, and he has been living largely in hiding under the name of Alphonsus Luke (sound familiar) for the past 1000 years.

At one point, he relates to the story's protagonist, Alex Taber, and Alex's girlfriend, Charlene, the tale of how he was once allowed to see the universe the way that God sees it. This is an excerpt:

******

“Dr. Luke?”

“Call me Alphonsus, Charlene.”

“Okay. Alphonsus. I have to ask you something.”

“Yes?”

“I need to know if…well…I mean, have you killed people?”

Dr. Luke closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

“Charlene, I know what you’re asking. But you’re not really thinking. The real question you want to ask--the real information you wish to divine, is if I am evil. One definition of evil is murder--killing. But really Charlene, what do you think? I’m 39 thousand years old. Those thirty-nine thousand years cover every violent moment in recorded history. Do you really think that I, as an immortal being, could have gone through that much of life without having killed anyone?

“So, the answer to your question is yes. Yes, of course I’ve killed people. Look at Alex. He’s only an embryo at forty years old, and he’s already killed people.”

Alphonsus paused a moment, remembering.

“Life long ago was much different from life of today. Just as one sample, look at language. You have to understand, Charlene, that ancient languages were not always very flexible. There were usually not a lot of words, and sometimes it was difficult to get one’s point across. Often disagreements were caused by simple inability to get someone to understand what you were talking about. Many times, if there was a significant enough disagreement, the easiest way of settling a dispute was simply to cut the other guy’s head off.

“But,” he continued, “the real question you’re asking is if I liked killing people, and the answer to that question is no. Do I think some people are better off dead? Of course, but if I’ve learned one thing after all this time it’s that sometimes even the worst people can surprise.”

Dr. Luke hesitated a moment. “Most of the time they won't, of course. But I'm not going to take it as my role to rid the world of the assholes. There's an infinite supply of them, and I have better things to do with my time.”

Charlene snorted. “You don't want to play God, in other words.”

He grimaced bitterly. “Why should I? Most of the time even God doesn't play God.”

Alex interjected, “I thought that was the reason you got kicked out of Heaven. I thought it was because you wanted God's job or something.”

Luke stared at him for a long moment, and then he smiled, closed his eyes, and began to laugh. It was not a happy laugh, or rather, not one that suggested happiness. Rather, it was a laugh that suggests irony or pain.

He laughed for an uncomfortably long time.

Finally, he stopped himself and opened his eyes again, smiling.

“Do you have the slightest idea what God is really like? Do you have the slightest idea how incredibly powerful--yet limited--He really is?

He paused and became serious. “All Knowing? Everyone assumes it. I believe it. I have seen what he sees. But have you ever given any thought to what the words really mean?

“He is capable of managing a Universe. An entire Universe, Alex! The Universe is not a fantasy. It is really out there, and it is large. You are both educated individuals. Do you have any idea of just how big it really is?

“Well, no matter what you think, you don't. I don't either. Gigantic. Colossal. No word is big enough. Not by a trillionth. The human mind cannot even conceive of its real size. The imagination is not capable of it. Think of infinity. Multiply it times infinity. Imagine what you get. Do you think your imagination is accurate? It isn't.

“He sees all of it at once. He can focus simultaneously on each of the six billion people on this planet all and at the same time count the number grains of sand on a beach on the other side of the Universe, call it, oh, nineteen billion light-years away as the trans-dimensional crow flies. And he sees every star, every planet, every dust mot, in between.

“Do you think I would aspire to do something like that? I can barely manage myself some days, Alex.”

He looked at us for a moment, suddenly frowning uncomfortably, his expression darkening. He seemed to be remembering something.

“He took me into his realm, once,” he said after a long pause. “His realm … His reality … I don't know what else to call it. He did it soon after He created me. I think He wanted to deal with me on a one to one basis; face to face, so to speak. His regular angels go there all the time. I think that's why He created me--so that He could finally deal with a human on His level. A normal human body could never survive there.”

He paused again, and then continued hesitantly. “I found it…disconcerting…to say the least. Basically, I saw…no, I can't say that I saw…I became aware of, the entire Universe, all at once.

“And then, there was the awareness of His presence. It was…indescribable…there are no words--no concepts that I can draw parallels from. You may trust, however, that the idea of some old fart sitting on a throne is mistaken. And, you may also trust that if we were created in his image, then Jackson Pollock is a realist.”

He paused. “The experience left me in a catatonic state for, well, how could I really tell how long, but at least several decades. It certainly would have killed me if such a thing were possible in my current state."

Pain

2008-01-29T03:29:00.000-05:00

So much pain throughout the world. Emotional pain. Physical pain.

So much pain in my friends. So much pain in those whom I love the most.

I know the pain encompassed in my own loved ones…in my own circle of friends, and I try to imagine all the other pain that must be out there. Pain even worse than what these people suffer. What would the pain of 6 billion people look like if piled into one place. Could even the mythical Hell be worse than what is suffered by some in our earthly paradise?

I want so much to heal the world; to take all this pain and make it vanish for people. I want to have the strength to be able to take everyone’s burdens and place them on my own shoulders. I can’t bear to watch another suffer while I stand idly by.

Yet, I know that I haven’t the strength. I can’t even bear my own emotional pain. I can’t carry another’s physical pain—I can’t hardly tolerate going to the dentist to get my teeth clean.

If I was given the chance—the gift—to take all the worlds pain unto me, so that the world would free of it finally, I’m certain that I would do it. I would die from unbearable agony moments afterward, but in the moment before that happened I would be happy, knowing that I was doing the right thing.

Alas, I do not expect such a gift to be given to me. So I must suffer as I watch others suffer. Helpless. With folded hands. Knowing that whatever comfort I can offer will be at best, fleeting. I haven’t a cure for anyone, and for some there are not even words that I can say that would ease the suffering even a little.

I want to heal the world. I can’t even heal myself.

Aianna, you have my blessings and prayers today, for whatever they are worth. The same goes for my loved ones who are in pain. I don’t know what to offer other than kind words and support…

These are not enough to affect much, but even if they are completely useless, they remain all I have to offer

Love and blessings, all Please keep the pain at bay as much as possible. I may not be able to help you, but please know that I desperately want too..

Random Stuff

2008-01-27T23:17:00.000-05:00

Ok, I admit that I haven't been posting as much lately. My inspiration for my blogs have been uninspiring. Everwind, however, is done. I shan't bring it up again no matter what happens next.

I feel like I spend the majority of my time talking about Triskele in my posts lately, and I do apologize for this to my non-Triskelian readers. It's just kinda where my brain is right now. My duties there are already backing up. It's been a bad week for me for in world activities. I'm hoping this week is better, or at least I'm more motivated.

I once mentioned that I had no dreams anymore. I now realize that this was not true. It's just that the dreams I had for my life seemed so simple and unspectacular that I didn't even notice them. Well, I'm now beginning to wonder if even these simple dreams will ever come true.

Oh well. No grousing. I have a cleric's meeting tomorrow at 5pm SL, and maybe a Council meeting at 6:30. I not a Council meeting, I want to talk cleric spells over with Winkie.

I want to hammer out the rest of our gods, and get them good and solid. We can tweak later if we need to, but lets start building from a solid draft. And I need a building. Even a temporary one would be nice.

Triskele had a pretty decent RP tonight...the first full fledged one that I participated in. The drow queen captured the Queens Council and a dragon. There was a furious battle, but we got them back, and the drow queen was bound and brought into custody. I was the one responsible for healing her wounds and getting her cleaned up. (At least I appointed someone else to do it). Cavity searches also needed to take place. I wasn't part of those, other than ordering that they happen. The drow queen was pretty cool about the whole thing. I like her.

Overall, she was treated, if not comfortably, then fairly. I treated a number of other minor wounds, including Malakyte who managed to get a number of arrows pumped into her in the last skirmish of the evening.

Hestia kicked me out of Faeria yesterday. She wanted to play, her computer wasn't working, and she said that I was "boring". I guess I am compared to her, but then not many people can compare to her when it comes to stirring things up. I still was able to listen to PHC while she played, but I felt dethroned. I'm gonna need to get revenge on that little imp.

Very tired, as usual. Good night, all. Fair thee well, and may all of your dreams come true. Warm hugs.

An Oddly Mixed Day

2008-01-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

I spent this day with a relatively good mood. My mind felt sharp, my thoughts were clear. I got plenty of sleep the night before, and I felt rested and at peace with myself.

Yet, as with virtually every day, I found myself being very unproductive.

I did manage to have my cleric's meeting in Triskele tonight, and that went quite well even though only 3 people were able to attend. The queen finally announced my promotion to the realm, which felt good.

The King and Queen of Everwind banned me from the Everwind forum sometime last night or today. I am truly honored. I've never been banned from anything before. I feel so...naughty! /me giggles. I might even be banned from the physical grounds. Despite how exciting this would be, it would be disingenuous for me to find out as I already made it a practice never to step on the land again.

I have a long in-world to do list, but it seems to be getting done in the few moments I am able to spend online. I am quite relaxed now, having found that my little tussle with Grace and Slip actually improved my general disposition. Safe paths, everyone. And, as always, hugs to anyone who wants or needs one.

The Excitment of Being Discovered

2008-01-22T23:53:00.000-05:00

It was with some degree of amusement that I discovered that my blog entry, The Fall of Everwind, was discovered and commented on by Everwind's King and Queen, Slip Barret and Grace Loudon.

I was not shocked or humiliated by their discovery of this entry. Indeed, I wrote, as I write all my entries, fully expecting that it may one day be found by the people whom I'm discussing. I know that Slip had stated that he found blog entries by former Everwinders before and was infuriated by them: rightly so, as they unfairly disparaged his character in the mater of Grace and Slip's temporary breakup. When I say something, I am always very careful about considering the feelings of those involved. This does not mean that I "filter" what I say, but it does mean that if I make a statement in a blog, I try to word it as fairly as possible, and to have adequate support for my assertions. If I am proven wrong, I will freely admit it and post an open apology. The ethics of blogging are something I hold very dear.

Slip responded not so much to my blog, but to the people who posted responses to my blog, most of whom are not Everwinders. This I find rather surprising in that most people responding to blog entries are automatically going to offer support for the blogger. They're comments are meant to help me, but they can't be expected to know the "fullness" of any situation, and they know it. Therefore, casting criticisms upon them for their statements is the equivalent of criticizing someone who sends an, "I'm sorry" card to someone who got fired. It doesn't really matter if the person deserved to get fired or not. They are there to support the person, and not to do a full investigation as to what the truth of the matter is.

Slip made a response where he lambastes virtually everyone who responded to my entry. Princess tried to make a conciliatory statement afterward, only to get further lambasted by both Slip and Grace. I was dropped from the Everwind group by Grace immediately afterward. I honestly can't say that my heart is broken by it. It seems that the two of them feel they have the right to castrate anyone who even expresses the mildest disappointment over how they handled the closing of Everwind to roleplay. I can understand anger, but theirs seems disproportionate to the crimes. Please do not lump my wife and friends into the same class as those who sent you hate notecards over Age Verification. To quote Slip, to put it quite bluntly, you don't know what the hell you're talking about.

And really, Grace, must I be spotless before I express disappointment over what someone has said? I freely admit that I am not spotless. No one is. I freely admit that I have faults. I have expressed them amply in many blog posts. I would detail them here, but I would be typing for many months and probably bore people quite to death after a while. The key is not in obtaining the impossible goal of spotlessness, but in freely admitting where we are flawed. To deny these flaws is to live in a delusion that may ultimately destroy us. But not to diplomatically express our honest feelings over what someone else has done that has hurt us would truly be to live as a victim, afraid of to say anything in fear of having one's own flaws, irrelevant to the case in quesiton, pointed out.

Anyway, those who are interested and not sensitive about being attacked are welcome to read over the comments they made. Slip desires it, and I don't wish any unhappiness upon either him or Grace.

Safe paths to all.

Anxiety and exhaustion

2008-01-22T15:36:00.000-05:00

I was voted in as the new Head Cleric of Triskele last night, (eep eep Hurray!), and I almost immediately find myself falling behind. There is a LOT of work to do to try to build this guild into something worth being in. There are only 13 members in the guild at the moment, so support looks like it will be hard to come by. We don't have a building yet. I announced an All Cleric meeting for tomorrow night at 4pm SLT, but I'm not anticipating big attendance. I'm not even sure the announcement went out, as I never got it.

Somehow, within a month, I want to turn the Cleric's guild into a reasonably strong and self-sufficient union. Right now, it barely exists.

The Council meeting ran 'till 12:30 am last night, and I am exhausted today. My stress levels are high, and I don't think I've breathed in the last hour or so. This would have worked out SO much better had I been appointed at the beginning of the weekend instead of the end.

Oh well. It WILL be fun. Right now I'm just stressed about everything.

Choir tonight. Cleric's meeting tomorrow night. Pre-teen Thursday. Date night Friday. DART meeting Saturday. Sunday sleep--maybe. Cauldrons to script, gods to create, libraries to build, desks to clean, backups to catch up on, new buildings to advertise, new products to develop, diets to maintain, to-do lists to create, textures to work on...

Okay...breath...

/me slams head against table many times...

Ahhh...that's better....

/me collapses unconscious, a smile on his face.

Submitted for Head Cleric. Waiting on approval.

2008-01-19T16:48:00.000-05:00

I've talked with the Triskele Queen, Leanne Jael, and with Destion, Triskele's regent, about my interest in becoming head cleric. They asked me to submit my plans for the guild, which I've included below. I've received positive feedback from Destion, Wren, and Malakyte. Nothing from the queen yet, but she won't be the one to make the decision anyway. I might not get approved until Monday because Destion will be out of world until then. That is the day of the next council meeting anyway.

The problem is is that I have time to do things NOW. I'm anxious to start setting up the guild building and to send out some group notices. I could do both of those now, but I'm not going to for political reasons. I want to wait for final approval so I don't step on anyone's toes.

Well, I guess I could be working on a guild texture. Anyway, here's draft 2 of my ideas.

____________________________

Priorities…
The first priority for the Cleric’s guild will be to give the members a sense of purpose and activity. If we don’t address this issue immediately, our membership will drop.

In more developed sims, there was a constant call for clerics because people were constantly being injured. That does not seem to be the case here. Rather than hiring thugs to hurt people so we can heal them, we need to come up with other ways of dealing with this, and to make it apparent that clerics are there and what they are there for. This may involve “staging” role-plays at first. Perhaps an event where the queen gets sick, or a bunch of volunteers from either one or several races come down with a mysterious disease which the clerics must work furiously to find a cure for.

If all of this happens in a private area of the sim, where no one sees it, all of our efforts will be for naught. Triskele does not seem to have a “downtown”…that is, an area where all the players tend to congregate. If one of the taverns were moved to the Marketplace area near Triskele castle, it might encourage a congregation place. Baring this, the most central places are the tavern near Castle Zylamius, or the arenas, both of which are largely ooc. It should still be possible to create an IC event at one of these locations that will create murmurs.

I would also like to have a weekly meeting of ALL clerics and acolytes for at least the first month or so. Not only would this build a sense of community, but also it would bring the clerics together to combine minds and develop RPs NOW, when it is needed most. I want to have a completely structured guild within the first two months…preferably sooner. I will need a lot of buy in to reach this objective.

We also have to get the guild building furnished and signaged soon. I have a lot of furniture already built that I can just throw in there, but I’d like it to function as a hospital, a place for study and meditate, a place to meet, and a place for clerics to lay down and rest after a hard day’s healing of people. I’d like to have a picture of all the god symbols in one room that gives people a summary of the god associated with it.

Making the clerics stand out...
There is likely a lot that can be done with this, but the first idea that comes to mind is a monthly, generic festival. Something that ALL clerics (and the realm) can share. I see this as something like a giant bonfire, where the clerics all make pilgrimages to do something seen as worthy by their faith. Generically, this can be a donation (real or role-played) to charity (I’d like to find some real SL charities to give all donations too). Everyone in the realm would be invited of course, and they, too, would be invited to make pilgrimages and donations. While not pilgrimaging, people would be dancing, imbibing in special faith foods and drinks (I can see competitions growing around this), and in general be having a rowdy good time. DJs could be hired if we get enough cash inflow.

This monthly festival can be devoted to specific gods or belief if the individual faiths come up with a concept for a party they’d like to have.

Structure and ranks…
The highest ranking members of the guild will be the Speakers. Speakers are either leaders of the faiths or administrative. First Speaker will be the guild leader, Second Speaker will be his/her second. Ranking from this point downward will be determined by the player’s RP abilities as judged by the other speakers. The first speaker can also be a faith leader, as can the second speaker. Within each faith, there can also be a second.speaker of faith. This allows for multiple layers of redundancy.

After the speakers and their seconds, there will be full clerics, clerics, and acolytes. Non-Members must choose their alignment before they can become members. In order for this to be possible, a far clear description of each god must be made. People cannot base their alignment to faith based on the descriptions currently available.

When the First Speaker is unavailable, any of the other speakers can take the role and make decisions on the part of the guild. He/she will be equal in power to the First. My goal here is to build in multiple layers of redundancy so that, with luck, there will always be someone in world able to make executive decisions about the guild.

Promotions in rank…
I like the idea of having the promotions being quest oriented, but I’d like to make it so that the quests involve a little bit of role-play, or at the very least make the quest results give out instructional notecards as to how to do things at the rank you are questing for. I don’t want to have promotions based solely on how good you are at finding things, otherwise we’ll have a bunch of clerics who aren’t necessarily good at role-play.

News flash: Head Cleric of Triskele steps down

2008-01-16T23:32:00.000-05:00

Bri, the Head Cleric of Triskele, has resigned his role. At least that is how it was left this evening. I don't want to reveal too much here, but it sounds as if he would not be welcome back even if he tried. Stranger things have happened though when tempers cool.

The explosion happened over a new direction that the guild was given. Bri hated the idea, and I expect told the king exactly that in so many words. The new idea, I feel, needs some tweaking, but I think it has a basis from which we can build from.

Anyway, this leaves me with a decision to make. Do I step up to take the Head position? I'm pretty sure I would be welcomed if I do.

I was originally interested in the Head Cleric position. Bri seemed very interested in keeping the position, and was working to move things forward. Things were admittedly moving slowly, but then, there is a lot to do...

And I am not always Mr. Reliable and Speedy. It took a considerable number of pokes to get me to finish that shop. I had a great time building it, but I am often quite happy to sit back and let events take me where they will. I've taken on some large roles in the past, and have occassionally dropped the ball. Plus, my home life does not always make it easy to be in-world. Plus there are days when I just want to kick my feet up and diddle with the XBox. There are times when turning the brain off has a very high priority.

And no one in Second Life would know it, but I can be so damned shy sometimes. I'm afraid to approach people, and sometimes I think my shyness is taken for aloofness. Combine my shyness and my poor memory together, and it adds up to something pretty pathetic.

But then, it sounds like a challenge and potentially a lot of fun.

Sigh.

I'll probably end up doing it, but, to be honest, it's scaring the hell out of me.

Goodnight, and Good News.

Triskele Council

2008-01-16T00:41:00.000-05:00

Because my RL animator had chorus tonight, I didn't get in world tonight until late. When I did get in world I was immediately nabbed by Malie to sit in as second at the council meeting in place of Bri. It was an interesting and long meeting, and I put in my 4 cents several times. The Queen stated at the end that she would like to have seconds at all the meetings.

Works for me. I really enjoyed watching how it all works behind the scenes. Next meeting is on Monday.

I managed to qqqqqqqqqqqqa Q1

(16 hours later...)

Well, I don't remember what I managed to do because I fell asleep at the keyboard again. I have a bit of a cold and the cold medicine does a number on me.

Anyway, I got an invitation to the Triskele council group this afternoon. I will officially be a member of the council when I log in next time. There will be a cleric's meeting either today or tomorrow evening. Some good ideas were presented by Stormy and Chance (ex-drow King and Queen of Everwind) regarding the cleric's guild.

Gotta get back to doing whatever it is I do around here. Love, peace, and Coca-Cola to everyone. Later.

Master Peck's Home Branch Relocated

2008-01-15T00:13:00.000-05:00

After spending one day building a completely new shop, and another evening of moving merchandise, I have successfully changed location's for Master Peck's home store. The Faeria store is now in the new market square, freeing Mykyl up to proceed to the next step of her master plan, which, I believe, involves tearing down the old store and relocated the pub to that location.

The new store has a layout I'm satisfied with, but it still seems to be a bit dark. I'm thinking of putting down a lighter wood for the floor. I also still need to put in an updated visitor counter/greeter and twiddle with the way that some of my benches sell. AND I still need to update the location for the store in SLExchange. Oh, and I have to put an updated landmark in all my for sale items. And remove the old store from the Cataporter.

Beyond that, it's ready, not counting all the things I have to do that I've forgotten about. Just another evening's worth of work that may take a week or two. Sigh.

The Princess still needs to move some of her items from the old store area. Beyond that, it's vacant. She is going to set up her items to the right of the new store in a little outdoor garden shop.

She is also anxious to start setting up her new gallery on the second floor of the Master Peck building. The second floor is somewhat brighter and more modern than the first. Some of her most recent photos have been amazing. The child who will soon be formerly known as teenager has been doing a bit of post production work for her, making her original concepts sparkle. She definitely has an eye for photography. She just needs it pointed out to her from time to time.

Regardless of the state of Master Peck's, I need to spend some serious time in Triskele. Cleric stuff is stacking up, and we need to start a recruitment drive. Not enough Odinites yet, and the other faiths are similarly dry. Action. Adventure. Other stuff. All of it awaits the Cleric's Guild. Bri wants my help decorating the new guild building, and I really want to start building the new hud, as well as the gadgets and gizmos o f the guild. We're going to need some sacred trinkets and whatnot. I still need to develop the symbol of Odin. Lot's of fun stuff.

Goodnight, my friends. Hugs and or affectionate squeezes to any and all who need them.

My animator is an idiot

2008-01-11T23:20:00.000-05:00

I only spent a brief amount of time in-world today, although I would have liked to have spent more. Too tired to sit at the main computer, so my animator chose to use the laptop instead, which can't run SL. I was still able to comment on blogs and post the the Triskele forum (if you're a Triskelion and you haven't joined the forum yet, please do so. It is a great way of passing information around. The address is http://www.phpbb88.com/triskele/index.php?mforum=triskele. Unlike Everwind, the guilds and races are only visible to those who belong to those guilds and races, so it's not as easy to see what the rogues are up to, for example. It is still very cool, and a great way to set up RPs without having to meet in-world. One of its detractions, unfortunately, is that you don't have to meet in-world to set these things up. The damned convenience of the Internet messing with our lives again.

Bri made a draft of Cleric spells, and, while I like it for the most part, I will have some comments to make. I'm just not quite sure what they are yet.

Oh, the Princess wanted me to mention something about our wonderful life. It is blissful and wonderful. What else is there to say. :)

My animator is going to be spending time tomorrow getting Christmas and birthday gifts which will be of no use to me whatsoever, unless he gets an extra gig of memory for his computer. He will spend the day living his dumb life while I sleep with the servers. Nice buddy. After all I've done for you.

The hog kept me out of world for most of yesterday because he ate like an idiot. He went out with one of his children, had a big meal plus desert, and then spent another hour or so with his other child (so she wouldn't feel neglected) eating a bowl of chili and more desert. It was a pleasant but extremely fulfilling evening for him, but likewise a quite miserable night. My sympathy for him knows no bounds.

Oh well. I shan't be around today unless he gets back from his party early. I will see you all when I can. Have a great day.

A Song dedicated to eating way to much

2008-01-11T00:33:00.000-05:00

Fat, fat, fat.
Oh, I'm so magnificently grotesquely fat.
Two deserts tonight, how about that?
Stuffing my face with chocolate malts in a vat
and Ice Cream Fudge cakes. I must stop stat.
And get down to digest by laying flat.
Oh Lord, I feel so frackin' fat!

Reprise:
La la la
boom boom
la la la la
boom boom
bleah

Food, food, food.
Oh, I ate way to much freaking' food.
Any more and much dinner would have spewed.
And it would have made me seem so rude
Blowing chunks I barely chewed
Not keeping them in can come out so crude
Oh Lord, help me keep in all this food.

La la la
boom boom
la la la la
boom boom
bleah
tubba tubba toom

And now I digest, 'cause my body screamz
for sleep I need. Sleep and dreams.

La la la
boom boom
la la la la

bleah erp! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Fourty-Five

2008-01-09T23:33:00.000-05:00

[RL]Happy Birthday to me.

Bleah.

I've had better birthdays. My mother got my age wrong. (Just a year off, but still). I insisted that my wife go to book club tonight, and I didn't even go in-world to talk to any of my friends. I had to work today and had two meetings. I'll admit that my Disaster Preparedness committee meeting went really well. The group of people I selected for the committee are generally classified as "misfits." Nevertheless, the group mix is right and we get to talk about how to survive the worst, which puts things in perspective. Discussing the possibility of having toxic spills outside our doors makes Circulations' inability to deliver magazines to the third floor seem rather inconsequential. Paranoia is encouraged, and our occasional diversions into bubonic plague and locusts do a lot to lighten the mood. Amazingly, Disaster Prep. is by far the most enjoyable committee I run. Who'd a thunk it?

Anyway, I ended up home alone eating a pizza roll while playing a game on the Xbox, and I have to say it wasn't really as fun as it sounds. We've just decided to celebrate my birthday on a different day. I'll survive.

I got extra sleep yesterday, but it still didn't help much this morning and I ended up getting up an hour after my alarm went off. This left me no SL time, so no work/play got done that I wanted to get done.

[SL]One of my first priorities for Triskele is going to have to be developing a cleric hud. The basics of the hud are simple. What I'd like though is some way to add particle effects to the spells. Particle effects are not easy--at least I've never found them to be--and even the simple ones I need for these spells intimidate me. On the other hand, if I do manage to perfect these particle spells, it will open a whole new particle based world for me. The other thing I have to worry about is making sure that the hud interacts with the Triskele meter, but I would bet that those protocols are rather standard. I shan't worry about them overly muchly.

I still have to contact the guard leader so I can get the festival set up. Tomorrow is another day.

Another post where I end with the words, "I'm tired." Birthday congratulations are not expected but will be gratefully accepted. Birthday hugs for those that need extra special hugs today. Good e'en.

Headaches and not enough sleep

2008-01-08T22:54:00.000-05:00

I've been staying up too late, and while I'm mostly fine, my animator has been having a tough time of it. So I decided to turn in a little early tonight. He needs to get his eight hours a night, and I'm selfish to try to keep him from this. We both do better when he gets enough sleep. So I get to spend more time with the dust buggies in the servers. I'm not at all resentful, except when I am.

Because my animator had choir I barely had any time to spend in world at all this evening. I planned to spend some time updating my festival to make it more Castan friendly, but Bri caught me to show me the progress on the new cleric's tower. I had a headache and I finally had to peace out and lie down. I'll finish the rewrite in the morning.

Odin, as has been said, is a complex god with a lot of rich history. Whether he is a good guy or a bad guy is theoretically up in the air. Fortunately, I'm too worried about creating a historically accurate Odin. I do plan do research him heavily (I have to remember to check to see if the library has a book), but I plan to use the information I learn to pick and choose the legends that turn Odin into the god I want him to be. I want an Odin that keeps my values and is fun in role-play. In other words, I'll be using artistic license with him. And what's more, I doubt that there is really going to be anyone out there who will say that my version of Odin is not an accurate version. If anyone does, tough cookies.

My animators ears are ringing worse than ever, and he finally got over what ever block he had and made an appointment with his doctor on Friday. Hopefully its just some wax that can be cleared with an aurel equivalent of a sand blaster. If not, well, hopefully there is some other way of dealing with it. The ringing is driving him nuts

I joined my first member to the guild today...I just wish there was a more complete pantheon to pass around. Oh well, the earth wasn't created in a day, and it's silly to expect the gods to be created in one also.

The fall of Everwind has created repercussions throughout the RP world of SL. The sudden influx of new members has revitalized several other RP sims. Grace sent out yet another "clarification" today that basically did nothing but reinforce my feelings toward her. She really doesn't seem to get it, and just because you close a harsh statement with a :) doesn't make the statement any less harsh, at least sometimes.

Oh well. I just fell aslea with a laptop in my animator's laap again. Very sleepy. Night night.

Alphonsus Peck -- Speaker for Odin

2008-01-08T00:23:00.000-05:00

In Triskele, Castan had become Tyr, and Tyr has now become Odin. It seems that the Guardians were already worshiping Odin, so Odin has become part of the Triskele Pantheon.

Unlike Castan, Odin, for those who don't already know it, is based on a real pagan god. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Odin) Odin is considered the chief god in Norse mythology. He is considered the god of wisdom, war, battle and death. He is also attested as being a god of magic, poetry, prophecy, victory and the hunt. He is depicted at a stragely haired, one-eyed warrior, having given up his eye to obtain wisdom. He had a team of hot battle chicks (Valkyries) who went out to retrieve worthy warriors after battle.

Odin, therefore, is not entirely Castan-like. Still, he is a major god who could quite possible have been the god of my ancestors. Honor and valor could certainly be attributed to him, but not quite honesty. Cunning was more Odin't style, and he didn't mind resorting to a bit of cleaver trickery to achieve his ends. Odin is a seriously cool god whom I have no trouble standing behind.

I plan to put a slightly nicer face on Odin, but I suspect that the god knew how to party. I plan to update the Castan festival to make it a bit wilder and Odin like. Odin already as a cool enough symbol that can be readily adapted to SL--three interlinking triangles. I'm going to miss the gold lion, but at least this is a symbol I can build easily myself.

I had a nice long talk with Bri tonight, and I'll need to talk to a large, muscular dude by the name of Cult tomorrow. He is the chief of the Guardians, and I'm going to run all my festival ideas past him. Bri has already approved them.

Wren is now the Speaker for the goddess of nature (whose name I can't recall at the moment). I need to try to help Bri come up with a good symbol for the Triskele cleric's guild, perhaps a Celtic cross? I'm hoping I can talk Alpha into letting me have a copy of one of her crosses. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm also going to take the freebie dracula cape and see if I can mod it to work with to work as cloaks for our higher level acolytes. We can color it as necessary and add the god's symbol to it. Lots of work to do, but lots of fun to do it.

Odin be with you all. What ever struggles you face, fight them heroicly, and you too will earn a place in Valhalla. Lots of good food, lots of Valkyries or warriors (depending on your gender preferences), and lots of rowdy fun. I can think of worse ploaces to be.

My Religious Beliefs with a Brief Mention of Pizza

2008-01-07T12:05:00.000-05:00

Others have been posting there religious beliefs online, and as I was just appointed the official Second Cleric in Triskele, I feel it is perhaps time to share what I believe.

I was born and raised with absolutely no religion in my life. Religion was not so much ridiculed as it was ignored. The closest religious experiences I had while young were reading Genesis in hotel rooms when I was bored, and occasionally watching televangelists, at whom my father bestowed ridicule and my brother would giggle at insanely. When I once asked my mother what religion I was for the purpose of filling out a form, she said, “I don’t know, probably Lutheran. That’s what your father’s parents are.”

Having no religion made me an oddity among my peers, and from time to time they would talk about things utterly foreign to my little world. Eventually as I grew older and was able understand the concepts a little better, I became fascinated by the whole religious thing, and remain so to this day.

The term that would best describe me is Militant Spiritual Agnostic, and I am currently as close to being Christian as I am ever likely to be. My full beliefs could only be described in chapters rather than paragraphs, but I generally hold that if God exists, and if God created the universe, then, if God were fair, he would have written his commandments and wishes for us into the nature of the universe itself. The more we study and learn by the principles that the universe teaches us, the more we would follow God’s plan.

Of course, the main statement has 3 ifs and makes a rather large assumption the issue of fairness from a Godly perspective. My current “Christian” leanings are due to debatable biblical evidence that Yeshuwa’s life was prophesied from the Old Testament, a document that was finished being written at least 300 years before Christ’s birth.

I believe that fundamentally most religions are positive forces which are frequently very corrupted by bad people to excuse unspeakable things.

I do not, however, hold that all religions and beliefs are equally valid, as some are more clearly full of crap than others. I believe in crystals, as they are great in salt shakers. Astrology is likewise great for giggles in the morning paper. Psychics are sometimes people unusually tuned to making assessments of people at a glance and can be good at giving common sense advice. At other times they are great for helping relieve the problems of people who have too much money but don’t have the brains to keep it.

How Scientology even managed to get itself qualified as a religion is testament to L. Ron Hubbard’s creativity. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is pasta it’s prime. I strongly object to any religion that advocates the wholesale extermination of those who don’t believe it as I would be one of those exterminated and I’m a nice guy. As for those religions who advocate exterminating themselves, well, Darwin works in mysterious ways.

The most compelling evidence for the existence of God is pizza. That such a perfect food could be created without divine intervention is beyond reason.

Safety and love to everyone. Hugs to those who want or need them.

Another try

2008-01-06T00:28:00.000-05:00

Bri, the head of the Cleric's guild of Triskele, did not seem to come in-world today. I had a meeting with Malakyte and Wren this evening and we discussed the future of the guild. We looked over the the draft of the gods notes that he left and discussed what we would do with them. While nine gods are currently listed, we think that six would be much more managable, and we decided that it would be best if I made an effort to become assisstant rather than to try to take over the guild. Winkie, head of the Mage's guild, and Snowblind, the dragon regent, both joined us later, and they both support me in my bid to become Second Cleric. At the very least I could add new members to the guild, which is something that hasn't been done for a while. One way or another something will happen tomorrow. I'm not trying to get people into trouble or to try for a overthrow of power. It's just role play. I just want to make sure that people can play as they want to.

While I missed PHC tonight, I did hear about the experience through the Princess, and I could hear Hestia talking about it as well. Lots of dancing, apparently. I did do some dancing in the Dark Queen's tavern and had a wonderful time. Tink tried to set me up with a mermaid who wore a very minuscule amount of clothing. I did some obligatory ogling, blushing, and vanishing, but in the end it amounted to just some fun. I kept hoping the Princess would come over wearing her camo silks, but she seemed continually distracted in her shopping. Still, it was good to meet people and make more friends.

The Princess spent a good portion of the day trying to get a green photograph of herself, and I spent a good portion of the day trying to help her. She ended up in quite a fetching shade of green, and between the two of us we managed to figure out Photoshop enough to crop it properly. I have to be honest...I've rarely seen a more counter intuitive program that Photoshop. I've tried to be open minded about it, but I still can't figure out some of the simplest things after trying to figure out how to use it for more than a year. I can get things done in Paint Shop Pro in a tenth of the time. Am I unique in having problems with Photoshop?

Nothing deep and insightful tonight. I feel pretty good tonight, but tomorrow the Princess has to give my animator a haircut or I'll be forced to wear a paper bag to work from now on. Safety and light and safe paths and fly the friendly skies and all that. Hugs to anyone who wants or needs one. Peace out.

Sigh...The Head Cleric returns

2008-01-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

I make this big grandios post about taking over has the head of Cleric's Guild, and an hour later the current head makes an announcement about all the things she is doing. Oh well. Strike that last post. I'm going to see what I can do to help.

(It's early, but Alphonsus wanders down to the pub for a mug of ale anyway.)

Head Cleric of Triskele

2008-01-04T23:39:00.000-05:00

I have been asked by Winkie, who is now the head of the Mages in Triskele, if I would like to take on the role of head cleric. The current head has been AWOL for almost two weeks now. There are clerics wandering throughout the land without any leadership or even anyone to make them a guild member.

And, while I said that I would sleep on it, I also said that the answer will most likely be yes.

I've consulted with the Princess, and she has given her consent. This will be an admistrative position. I will be a member of the Triskele council. The Cleric's Guild of Triskele currently has almost no structure whatsoever. I will be responsible for seeing that one is made. I will, of course, be relying heavily on the work that was done in Everwind to build that structure.

Triskele has a different basis than Everwind though. Everwind was very much D&D based. Triskele is not. Triskele is medival, and based on druid and celtic legends (I think...I have a lot of learning to do). The gods will not transfer directly, and I may need to do some tweaking.

I will also be working in close cooperation with the mages. And I hope beyond hope that the speakers for the gods for Everwind will be there to lend me a hand. Wren? I need you. Malakyte? I know you're busy, but any advice you can throw me would be appreciated.

I'm going under the assumption that I will be accepted as the head, but knowing that kings and queens can toss fire on you at random moments leaves me a little apprenhensive.

I am an administrator in real life, and not a bad one, if I do say so myself. I must admit, however, that I am a bit nervous about accepting the responsibilty and then dropping the ball. That is why I need a reliable team as backup. I intend to assure that there is more than one person who can hand out title changes. For a while, things are going to be crazy.

Triskele is more relaxed than Everwind. I'd like to keep it that way. This is about having fun, first and foremost. But being a cleric can give one a great deal of personal satisfaction. I would like all of the Acolytes and clerics to be able to experience this satisfaction, and have a good time doing it.

Hmmm...as head of the clerics of Triskele, I wonder if I can declare myself Pope? I suppose not. That name is already taken for use in some other religion.

Peace out. Hugs to everyone who wants or needs one, whether you are brave enough to ask for one or not.

The Last Anxiety-Ridden Post

2008-01-04T09:29:00.000-05:00

This morning, after a horible night's sleep, I had vague recolections about writing something last night. Having just re-read the experience, I have been debating whether to keep it there or not. I've decided to let it stay if only for my own reasons as oppossed to meeting the needs of anyone else. It's a bit stark and not terribly well written (I'm leaving in the typos as is, although the spelling errors are forever gone), but it is an honest recording of a moment in my life, so I've decided to let it stay.

Anxiety is an issue with which I have struggled most of my life. It is one of the reasons, I suspect, that I've developed the calm demeaner that I have. I try to remain calm on the exterior to help calm myself on the interior. Even so, it can still be debilitating. Staying calm on the outside sometimes requires that I burry my head in the sand, losing myself in videogames or other mind-numbing activities as simply a way to keep the anxiety at bay. It does not always lead to being a very productive person, unfortunately.

My rational mind, fortunately or unfortunately, is not often affected by the anxiety. It is fortunate in the sense that I can still sound reasonable and calm under the worst of circumstances. It is unfortunate in that I am fully well aware that I AM burying my head in the sand. My efforts to keep my anxiety at bay lead to a considerable loss of productivity. There are medications and they do help, but I find that they are more likely to produce a state in which I simply don't CARE that I'm not being productive. Either way I find myself in a constant state of doing nothing, and either being anxious about it or not caring.

This is not a new insight for me as I've had it before and forgotten about it. I'm hoping this blog entry will serve as a reminder. Sorry to trouble y'all with my inner demons. I promise I will be back to writing Second Life related stuff again tomorrow.

Hugs to anyone who wants or needs one.

An Exploration of Anxiety

2008-01-04T01:41:00.000-05:00

[RL] As I write this, my body has broken out into a cold sweat. My hands are shaking, my teeth are clenching, my eyes are tearing involuntarily, and my thoughts are racing at several dozen miles/kilometers per minute.

It is, I believe, an anxiety attack, brought on for no discernible reason, are at least no reason that I can discern. They happen to me from time to time. The fact that I can write with apparent level-headedness is testament to something. Nevertheless, from the point of view of where my mind is right now, it feels anything but level headed.

I feel an overwhelming temptation to let my writing explode, although what explosive writing actually means I'm not quite sure. I won't give into the temptation, so we won't have the opportunity to find out here. I am actually making myself write calmly right now in an effort to get my thoughts and mind and body under control. So far it is not working.

Where does all this energy come from? Where does it go when it dissipates? The law of conservation of energy must apply. A big expenditure of energy here will likely be followed by exhaustion.

Ah, there we go. It's backing off now. I was also holding my breath. I can tell now because I've just started breathing again. My body is still sweaty an cold...I need to cover up. But my teeth have unclenched, my eyes feel normal, and my hands feel calmer and steadier. My thoughts are slowing down to a normal pace. At this time of night I expect exhaustion to follow very quickly.

I don't recall ever writing a blog entry in mid attack. Thank you all for spending some time with me and listening, and offering comfort where you could. You may not remember being here, but let me assure you that you were. I really do appreciate it.

And now I feel irresistible sleepiness, as well as a slight touch of a headache in my left eye. Oh well...gotta work tomorrow so I need some shuteye. I could explore the experience more, but if I don't post now I'll fall asleep mid word.

Peace out. Hugs to any who want or need them.

P.S. The spelling on the first half of this post was noticeably worse than it was on the back half. This is probably important for some reason that might only interest a linguist or a psychologist. Whatever. We everyone tomorrow.

A Place of Solace

2008-01-03T01:46:00.000-05:00

I do not know what is the light.
The vision’s darkened from my sight.
The quest to tell what’s wrong or right
is always hard for me.

Black and white, alive and dead;
the difference clear within my head.
But gray is gray when all is said.
The shades all mixed by me

A thousand minds speak now aloud--
a thousand dreams among the crowd--
a thousand thousand opinions loud
all seek to confound me.

A final place I go to seek.
A place of solace from havoc wreaked.
I’ll go alone and quiet and meek
if none will accompany me.

But I seek not to go alone
but to take souls with me to my new home,
And a shattered soul of broken stone,
if it wants to stay with me.

The Best Pixel

2008-01-02T01:17:00.000-05:00

“Use what talent you possess - the woods would be very silent

if no birds sang except those that sang best.”

Henry Van Dyke

As those of you who know me reasonably well may have already guessed, I am not a perfectionist. I am, by nature, lazy, and I use my brain to come up with ways to do the absolute minimum work possible to get the job done. If this means duct tape and coat hangers, then duct tape and coat hangers it is.

One example of this is the way I provided power to our dishwasher in our home. Our kitchen is very small, and all the the electrical outlets were on the same circuit. Runing the dishwasher meant that no other appliances in the kitchen could be run at the same time. Also, none of the outlets were convenient.

So I fixed it the simple way--I just drilled a hole through the floor using a 1 inch spade bit and shoved an orange extension cord through to a basement power supply. The dishwasher is now run off a seperate circuit, and all is right in my little world as I don't have to figure out the mysteries of sophistcated electrical wiring.

Nevertheless, there is something about the human/avatar ego within me that still wants to be "the best" from time to time. I may be lazy, but I am also competetive. When I write something to submit for a writing contest, I want it to be "the best" entry. Otherwise why bother? Same with my paintings, I suspect. I look at works of art so far beyond me that, again, I wonder why should I even try? And then my laziness grabs me and then the answer becomes simple. I don't try.

The fact that I'm not the best in my community chorus doesn't seem to bother me however. I am just now getting to the point where I can sight read a little, and I've heard other voices among me that put mine to shame. I am fully aware that I will never be the best singer, but somehow that doesn't matter very much. I'm just there to have fun and to tone what little laughable talent I have to become a little better each year.

Life isn't a contest where only the best may qualify. It is a more like a digital movie screen, where each pixel in itself can't be aware of it's overall importance to the show. My monitor has one pixel which is defective--it essentially isn't there. It is amazing how noticible the absense of this single pixel is. It would not be "the best" pixel should it miraculously fix itself, but it would be a welcome addition to the overall picture.

Each of us is more important than that single pixel. Imagine what we leave out when we don't try just because we can't be "the best."

The lesson here is that we shouldn't worry about being the best pixel in this new year. Just make the effort to "be." This is a lesson that I must work very hard at myself. But as resolutions go, it is a simple one. It appeals to the lazy part of me.

Be well my friends. And special hugs to any who want or need them.

Wild New Year's Parties and Weddings

2008-01-01T01:03:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, Everyone!!

I think that by the time that this posts most of the world will have gotten their New Years over with. We are currently experiencing a major blizzard...as nice a way to start the new year off as any, I guess. I hope that there aren't too many accidents, and that "The weather outside is frightful..." philosophy takes hold and people don't travel. There could be a big baby boom on September 1st this year, if all goes well.

Me, Princess, Wildstar, and Mykyl had a wild New Year's party, with party hats and dancing. The rest of the dance club was empty, but the four of us really whooped it up. Yup. Party Hats. Ball Room dancing. 80s music.

Yup. Wild party. Yup.

Anyway, you all have read my posts about a HAPPY freakin' New Year, and if you haven't, read them now. Ignorance of the rules is no excuse. I mean it!!!!!

/me forms a storm cloud over his head, and lighting strikes.

/me's hair catches on fire as the lightning bolt conveniently strikes the tallest thing in it's range.

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

/me whimpers for about 5 minutes, burying his head in the snow to put out the fire.

Anyway, I have some exciting news. I, as the head Cleric of Castan, have been asked to officiate at my first Second Life wedding. I immediately said yes. I'm not at liberty to reveal who the couple is, as I don't think they've made an official announcement yet, but I will say that both of them are very good friends of mine and I couldn't be happier about it.

And of course, I, being the angst ridden, do-gooder that I am, have to analyze what the Second Life marriage is and what I want to be able to do for a wedding and what to say.

The Second Life marriage is far more volatile than a real life marriage, if that is possible. There are so many more opportunities to hide things from each other, so many temptations, so little to lose should the marriage explode. I know I can make a meaningful ceremony, but I don't want to waste my time if the participants do not feel the meaning. Am I taking it too seriously? I don't know. What does my readership think?

The commitments, the words spoken, mean something. They are not just babble. They are one of the most serious commitments that the average human will make. I can't do this if it is just a "game" to the either one of parties involved. Whether the god I worship is called Castan or any other name, the principles upheld by what he represents mean a great deal to me. I am far from a perfect representative for him, and I make mistakes, but his are the principles that I hold dear: truth and honor being the most important of them.

And is it hypocrisy that I perform a marriage as a role-play cleric who is in no way qualified, in reality, to do so? A Librarian will marry them, for God's sake.

None of the principles matter too much, I suppose, because I intend to perform the ceremony regardless. I guess that I hope that their answers to certain questions meet with my satisfaction. I am a role-play cleric, but marriage, in Real or Second life, is not role-play. The emotional pain caused by dishonesty or deception is very, very real. Breakups in SL can be just as emotionally traumatic in SL as in RL, and because SL time is at least three times the speed of time, they can hit with particular intensity.

Anyway, I am seriously excited by it. I'll have to do a little research...I want to do it well, but I am really looking forward to it.

Peace out, everyone. And hugs to everyone who needs one or wants one.

Triskele

2007-12-30T09:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I've decided on Triskele for now. I'm officially a member of the main group as well as the cleric's group. I had to drop Humans of Everwind to make room, but that group was never really used anyway.

Grace posted something tonight on our "goodbye" forum posts, basically hinting that Everwind may come back in the future and inviting us to stay in the sim. You know, as far as I'm concerned she's shown her true colors, although most of the realm doesn't realize exactly what she said. I'd be willing to forgive her if I thought what she said was merely said in anger. But these seem to reflect her true feelings, and while I may forgive, I'm not going to forget. Triskele is new, and has a lot of potential. It is also much more relaxed, and many, many Everwinders have already set themselves up there. I talked to a Triskele resident...couldn't meet a nicer guy. Said that the King and Queen are truly wonderful people, in SL and in RL. With enough people, Triskele can really come to life. It's a little disorganized at the moment, (the Pantheon forgot to mention Castan!), but we're getting some highly experienced people there. It will be straightened out in short order.

Princess went to bed early after PHC to recover from her wounds. (No, I did NOT punch her in revenge for the soap incident, and I am offended by the mere suggestion of it. Physical and emotional abuse is crude. I have much more devious punishments planed.)

I stayed up and talked philosophy with Mykyl until well after her bedtime. It was a very thought provoking evening.

Beyond that, it was a pretty uneventful day. Princess is on an "all shake" diet due to her damaged lip (I suggested soup, but you know, I guess you go with what gives you comfort). Prairie Home Companion was fun but I kept crashing so I ended up listening to a large part from Princess's computer. I accomplished little of earth-shattering significance, but then that earth-shattering stuff usually causes about 5 or 6 billion people to die a rather violent death, so it's best to avoid that kind of thing on a regular basis anyway.

Have a HAPPY New Year (don't forget what I said in my last post. I mean it. Grrr.)

Post 100 – Disasters and Reflections

2007-12-29T11:24:00.000-05:00

This is my 100th post since starting this blog. I am considerably behind Mykyl in terms of output, but I do keep plugging away at things until I get somewhere, sometimes. Having post 100 come very near the end of the physical year, and somewhat near the time of my true beginning in Second Life, gives me the excellent opportunity to reach for connections and to drone on ponderous reflections, as is my habit.

First, some news on the home front. I was searching through my inventory to find a replacement for the Princess’s island, which she accidentally deleted, when the Princess stated that she had to retrieve some clothing from the dryer. In another few moments, I heard at stumble, a thump, and a cry for help. I rushed across the house toward the basement to find my Princess laying facedown at the bottom of the stairs moaning. A quick evaluation revealed a bloody lip because of the Princess’s unwise decision to take the last two steps on her face as apposed to her feet. The damage could have been much, much worse. The Princess got out of this one luckily, so far. Let’s hope that her luck continues to hold.

Just another typical day in the Peck household.

In Everwind news, the realm is still being closed for RP. There seems to be an organized effort to get ALL the residents over to Triskele. It is a much more relaxed RP environment than Everwind, and it is five sims big, but it seems nice for the most part. I haven’t returned to Everwind since the queen’s rant. It’s another day...let’s see what develops.

I glanced back through the history of this blog, looking back at post one. It feels so innocent, so naïve, so newbie. Since post one, we’ve purchased and sold about a thousand pieces of property, and watched relationships rise and fall (sometimes with a thundering crash). The Master Peck Furniture Conglomerate has grown from a single shop with a handful of products to the Second Life dominating force that it is today (I sold another box of wooden utensils yesterday!).

There are many failed dreams, many failed projects, and in the end, I sit here wondering if I am a different person than the one I was at post one, and, if so, am I a better or worse one. I feel more worn down, and somewhat more cynical, but I do feel I’ve gained a bit of wisdom along the way. Just the forces of life, but vastly accelerated due to the time bending nature of Second Life.

I think I miss Catherine the most. It was she whose own blogs started me on blogging, and she who introduced me to my friends in Faeria. She still pops around from time to time, but she just doesn’t feel like part of “the gang” anymore. Oh well.

I don’t want to write too terribly much this morn. I can’t reflect too much because I feel in the middle of too many things that will yet need another time to be reflected on. To probably misquote John Lennon, life is what happens while were busy planning other things.

I will probably post at least once more before the end of the year, but I expect everyone, EVERYONE, to start preparing for a freekin’ HAPPY new year. This is a holiday shared by virtually the entire world (except for maybe the Chinese), and I expect everyone to be happy next year. No more of this depressed, dramatic, angst bullshit. Happiness is mandatory. Take illegal drugs if you have to. Go to a plastic surgeon and have your lips altered into a permanent grin. Hire a BDSM mistress/master to torment you the moment you start bitching about something. Just...be...HAPPY.

See y’all later. :)

The Fall of Everwind

2007-12-28T08:09:00.000-05:00

The Everwind sims are soon to close for role play. Grace and Slip have announced that running the sims simply aren’t “fun,” anymore.

This is only part of the story, of course. The reasons for the crash are just a little more complicated than that.

The whole problem seems to have started over age verification, something that I considered a non-issue but something that the Princess keeps telling me is a BIG issue. The company that does the age verification, quite simply, sells the information they get—a fact that is apparently quite evident after doing any amount of research about them. She was insisting that I NOT age verify—she did not want the last four digits of my social security number or my driver’s license number going out to the highest bidder. That and the fact that there is no way that the company can REALLY age verify from the information we give them anyway. She feels that the company is running a scam, and she is usually right.

Be that as it may, Grace had announced that age verification was going to start for Everwind in early January. I was not even aware that it was out of beta yet, but again, no matter. The residents of Everwind, both through the forum and through the dropping of notecards on Grace and Slip, were mounting a campaign to stop it. I don’t know what the notecards said, but the forum was very polite but firm, trying to get them to reconsider, offering alternatives, and some people saying that they would stop coming to Everwind if this came through.

Slip, a litigation attorney in RL, was explaining that, since Linden was offering the option, that they HAD to do this to prevent potential lawsuits should teens get into the sims and become morally wounded; a strong argument. And the fact remains that Everwind owned by both Grace and Slip, and they can do whatever they want with it.

What happened was a rant by Grace at the end of the forum thread. I’ll include a snippet here, but let me assure you that I am not taking this out of context:

"I appreciate a great deal that you love and play in Everwind so faithfully. But I have to tell you, while that's all well and good...I ain't willing to put myself or the safety of a minor out there on a limb so you can have a place to play. Your threats to leave or your "disappointment" over this decision are not going to score you any points. Everwind has never been about traffic or dwell or income (obviously) or even entertaining other people. It has always been about my need to create and our desire to see people appreciate it. I'm not here for you....and you are not here for me. Everyone of us are in this for themselves. Other than your avatar, I don't know you people. Anymore than you know me. You are essentially strangers...why on earth do you think I have some obligation to ensure your experience in Second Life is pleasant? Do you ensure mine?"

This little speech cam essentially be summarized to say that she isn’t going to take any risks (fine and dandy) and that she couldn’t care less about the people of her realm (not).

The thread was locked after this rant, and I opened a new one, tentatively and timidly, merely stating that I am indeed in this for myself, but part of myself is making other people happy, and that while I can not ENSURE that anyone’s experience is pleasant, I do my best to help make other’s experiences pleasant when I can.

This was very carefully phrased. I was in fact quite angered by her statements, and what I was doing was essentially offering her an opportunity to apologize. She did respond, but no apology was forthcoming, just more angry denouncements. And again the thread was locked.

And then, a couple of hours after that, she sent an in-world announcement that role-play in Everwind was stopping. I can’t help but wonder if my re-opening of the issue and her follow-up rant was what caused it. Oh well. I was angry enough over her attitude to leave anyway. I’m more that just a pretty ornament for her enjoyment.

Everwind was having a free-for-all last night, which meant that the entire realm was having one final grand battle—everyone against everyone else. I chose not to participate. I instead IM’d a couple of friends and tried to find out about another role-play sim to which we can move. Someone suggested Triskele. I’ll check it out when I can. Even if the King and Queen reconsider, I doubt I’ll be returning to Everwind.

Sigh.

Anger and defining the rules for one’s own sim is one thing. Treating real people as non-entities is quite another.

Souls Divided

2007-12-27T01:27:00.000-05:00

One of the inexorable facts of human existence is that we are ultimately, always alone inside our heads. Discounting the divine and ignoring the possible yet tasteless jokes about multiple personalities, there comes an incontrovertible fact that our thoughts belong to us and are, forever, only ours.

Writers do their best to express thoughts on paper or in digital form, but I suspect that to express truly and fully the fullness of even a single instant of our simplest thoughts would take hundreds of pages, connected as each of thoughts are to our history and our learning experiences.

And this would not even touch upon the unconscious; the low level motivator behind the scenes that can generate entire worlds, buildings, and complete, fully detailed human beings from scratch through the “simple” act of dreaming. The unconscious mind seems to act like a puppet master—the animator for we, the animators. The only way to express unconscious thoughts is to turn off the conscious and hope that what we write or say afterward is in some way vaguely comprehensible.

Our minds are alone, and our minds are not particularly good company for themselves, either. Our minds need “reality checks”, without which our minds drift ever further from the reality based on external inputs and relies more and more on the reality as generated from our internal thoughts alone. When this happens, either we become clinically weird, or we become artists, which is really saying much the same thing.

And how do we attempt to conquer this isolation? One way is via the quest for love, the search for a “soul mate.” We seek someone less to share our thoughts with, but more to share our bodies and minds with. Many of us seek someone we can completely understand, and someone for which we can be completely understood, for this is the closest we can come to breaking the isolation of our minds.

I cannot help but wonder if this is part of the reason we are both so desiring and so fearful of God. First, how great would it be that someone knows our every thought, and that we are never alone. Second, how terrifying is it that someone can know our every thought, and that we are never alone.

May we all find a way of expressing that which we are to another or others, and may this isolation of aloneness be mitigated by sharing our spirit with our friends.

The Random Drivel History of Christmas

2007-12-26T01:48:00.000-05:00

This post is just kind of rambling, but I wrote it, and I thought perhaps at least one out of my many thousands of readers may actually enjoy it. I admit, however, that this is unlikely. Oh well, I wrote it, it's my blog, so get over it.

------------------------------------

According to legend, Jesus was born December 25, two thousand and seven years ago.

In far greater likelihood, he would have been born about two to seven years earlier. Shepherds would be out sometime between February and October. Haley’s comet made an appearance in the summer of 6BCE. For these and various other reasons, therefore, let us say that the best guess would put his birth sometime in September of the year 6 BCE.

Well, celebrating a birth on a day different than the actual day doesn’t really bother me to much. In the United States, it is common practice to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday on the third Monday of January so that it is less disrupting to work and to give workers three day weekends. Same goes for Lincoln and Washington’s birthday. So we, in America, anyway, are quite used to celebrating birthdays at the time of greatest convenience anyway.

Anyway, let us say that legend is wrong, and that Jesus was born about two thousand thirteen years and three months ago. After he was born, legend has it he did some other stuff and then died, giving us another holiday.

The date of Saint Nicolas’s birth is also not know exactly, but he died December 6, 325 A.D.

Just as legend has it that Jesus was resurrected 3 days after his death, Saint Nicolas was likewise resurrected after 3 days, on December 9th. He was not taken bodily into heaven, but instead stayed on earth, and, like Jesus, was granted the gift of eternal life. He dashed up to the north to escape religious prosecution, having acquired a mysterious following of dwarfs and midgets along the way.

Once in Northern Finland, he set up a holy religious shrine, and adapted to Finnish cuisine, growing fat on lutefisk, which he found particularly delightful. Being far up north, not many came to his religious services, and the midgets and dwarfs, having nothing else to do, spent their time going forth and multiplying and making small trinket toys for their many children. Soon there was a surplus of toys, and the good saint gathered the extras around and started making small scale pilgrimages to bring the gifts to Finland’s children. Jesus though it was a cool idea, being a woodworkers son, and bestowed special powers upon the saint to make it possible for him to fly and visit every Christian house throughout the world. Even though Jesus’ birthday got changed to December 25, they both agreed that they could really care less about what day it was, and that the 25th was close enough to the longest night of the year which would make doing the impossible task a little easier.

Upon the good saint’s recommendation, Jesus later gave strength and and a powerful speaking voice, and the Saint gave the gift of a pitchfork, to Saint Urho, who eventually drove all the grasshoppers out of Finland and saved the Finnish wine crop. Miracles are not without their consequences, however, and soon afterward grapes stopped growing in Finland, which is just as well as Santa had begun to drink heavily in his effort to wash down the lutefisk.

Saint Nicholas’ name was changed to Santa Claus through some Finnish thing that I don’t care about, and Santa lives in Finland to this day. (The North Pole is both a rumor and a clever misdirection—the Finnish government knows exactly where Santa lives and is forever grateful to him for helping them stay an independent country despite having lost every damned war they ever fought.)

So children, put this down in your history books—this is the true background of Christmas. Jesus and Santa are still pals, and spend many a night eating lutefisk together and getting hammered on sacramental wine. The midgets and dwarfs, now mutated by inbreeding into a new race called elves, are basically now genetically bred to do nothing but make toys.

Merry Christmas to All. And if you don’t have cookies to leave out for Santa this year, lutefisk and wine work all the better.

The Chirstmas Train

2007-12-24T13:03:00.000-05:00

[RL] Well, Christmas is almost here, as well as the good old holiday traditions of stress and worrying about last minute presents and such. Too much to do, not nearly enough time to do it. I saw the holiday approaching from the middle of the train tracks and watch the train come around the bend and come rumbling toward me, while I sat in my cozy little chair and did everything but move. Oh well, typical Christmas. I wonder if 7-11 has improved their gift selection this year.

2007 has not been a particularly stellar year in terms of my accomplishments. Much...well...most of the year was spent on the sidelines, watching the world go by. I would like to say for sure that 2008 will be different, and I will, of course, resolve that 2008 will be different, but I have not detected a notable change in my motivation levels.

More pushups. Maybe that’s all I need.

In any event, there is much to accomplish this day before Christmas, and this blog, while extremely important in many ways, is another great way to spend time as I try to count the number of souls flattened on the train’s front as it ran over them from days of Christmas past. I’m close enough to feel the heat from the engines now. I suppose it’s time to move my chair...

...but it REALY is a comfortable chair. Maybe just a few more hours...

Sploders and the existence of God

2007-12-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

We had a great time at the Everwind party yesterday, but I felt bad about missing the Aianna Yule party. I’d been looking forward to the Everwind party all week, and didn’t know about, or at least notice, Aianna’s party until the last minute. So I simply decided to go to Everwind. We had lots of good music (as well as lots of bad music involving cats meowing to Christmas carols.) I wish I could have been two places at once, but…oh well. Sorry Aianna.

Anyway, there was a Sploder ball at the party. There’s something about Sploder balls and me. The first time I ever played one I won the biggest prize (something like L$200, which, as a newbie, seemed like an impossibly huge sum of money). I kept putting extra money in to give a little back to the other people who were playing, but I kept winning the big prize. I finally gave up so that someone else would have a chance.

This time when I arrived I immediately put L$20 in the ‘Sploder, and the pot went up to about L$1500 (generously contributed to by Queen Grace Loudon, by the way, whose real life animator has an AMAZING voice, but I digress), and I, again, won the biggest prize…about L$850. I just kinda expected it to happen that way. I was pleased, but I can’t say that I was surprised. I made small bets on occasion through the rest of the evening, but didn’t win anything else of significance.

Later on I was able to guess one of the trivia questions right. (Who was the first ghost who visited Scrooge: Answer—Jacob Marley). This won me another L$200. So all in all I came out about L$1000 ahead just for dancing. It was a great party.

It’s things like what happen to me with the Sploder that occasionally cause me to wonder more about the nature of reality. Once my animator walked into a convenience store to buy some soda, and he suddenly knew that if he bought one of the instant tickets he would win. My animator bought the ticket, much to the surprise and ridicule of his wife, brought it home, and, sure enough, had to walk back to the store to claim the $50 that he won.

Now, the only possible explanation that science could offer for this is pure luck and coincidence. Mathematically, I am quite sure that my statistical “luck” is quite is in no way outside the norm. And in my head, I accept this as the explanations. But the heart wants to believe in more than just coincidence. It is because of incidences like these that I for a long time refused to deny the possible existence of God. True, the prizes were small. True, it would seem a very odd way for God to pass evidence for his existence along. But it’s been big enough to grab my attention.

Oh well. I don’t want to dwell on this any further. It’s the kind of thing that would only appear significant to me, and I’m not interested in starting a religious debate. Be well, everyone, and may all your Sploders be good to you this holiday season.

Everwind: The backstory of Alphonsus Peck

2007-12-21T12:00:00.000-05:00

Alphonsus was born into a wealthy and learned family in an entirely human realm. Dragons, fairies, and elves were all considered mere fantasy by the educated, and Alphonsus grew up quite sure and proud of his scientific and "enlightened" education.

Being well known for his mathematical prowess, as a young man Alphonsus was approached by the royal guard and asked if he would help tutor someone. Alphonsus of course agreed, and he was escorted to the top of the palace tower, where he found a heavily guarded door. Alphonsus gazed in wonderment as the door was opened and the room on the other side was among the most luxuriously decorated he had ever seen.

And then he met the young woman he was to tutor. She was beautiful beyond compare, with pale skin and long flowing red hair. Alphonsus and the woman quickly got too their lessons, and he found her to be remarkably intelligent. Over several days, they gradually learned that the people guarding them were dumb as rocks, and they were able to slip into other, non-mathematical topics such as philosophy, without the guards being any the wiser. They challenged each other in their discussion, and Alphonsus found himself falling hopelessly in love with the young woman.

On the day that the queen of the realm died, the visits came to an abrupt stop. There was some disruption and fighting on the palace grounds, and Alphonsus dared not approach. It was finally announced that the queen's sister, who lived in a nearby realm, would come and take the throne. Once the coronation was completed Alphonsus tried to return to the tower, only to be told by palace guards that he was not allowed on the premises and that the tower was now empty. He then realized that he had never even learned the name of the woman whom he had tutored.

Desperately worried, Alphonsus decided to approach the new queen and try to learn of the fate of the young woman in the tower. Time after time he was rebuffed, but once he happened upon one of the old tower guards, who took pity on him, and said he would see what he could do.Days later, the royal guard again appeared at his door, and demanded that he come with them. Fearfully, he obeyed, and found himself taken into the palace himself. He was roughly shoved into a plain room and told to wait. After several minutes, the door opened, and he found himself again gazing upon the lovely face of the woman in the tower.

"M'lady, has the new queen released you from captivity?" stammered the surprised Alphonsus.

"My dear Alphonsus, I AM the new queen," she smiled.

She explained that her queen sister had had her locked into the tower to prevent her from becoming a rallying point for rebellion.Alphonsus stayed long into the evening talking to the queen that he loved. Wanting to serve her in some way, he agreed to take a carpentry job in the city and report to her the feelings and sentiments of the general population.

Many years passed, and one day war came to the shores of their land. Knowing that the battle was going poorly, Alphonsus grabbed his sword and rushed to the castle, using the secret passageway he had always , used to enter the queen's chamber. Upon entering he saw an amazing site. A child like woman with broad wings floated in the middle of the room. The child woman looked to him and asked him to please leave, and that the queen was being kept safe.

Alphonsus scoffed, knowing that trickery must be involved, and quickly spotted some movement behind the curtains. Ignoring the winged woman, he dashed across the room, and simultaneously pulled aside the drapes as he thrust his sword into the chest of the person hiding behind them...

...only to see the face of his beloved queen as his sword passed through her heart.

He immediately pulled his sword back and caught the queen in his arms. With love and understanding in her eyes, her last words to him were, "Alphonsus...my love...escape...live...this is...my final command..."

She then went limp in his arms.

Numb with unimaginable grief, Alphonsus had little knowledge of what happened over the next few days. When his mind returned to partial sanity, he found himself alone in the woods, with a small sack of mushrooms and bluebells for him to eat. He returned to his home to gather up what gold he could find, learning that the city had fallen completely to the invaders, and escaped the city never to return again.

Alphonsus wandered aimlessly through forests and cities for the next several years, keeping himself alive only because he could not bear to disobey the queens last orders. He drank heavily, but even then he could not escape the unbearable guilt over what he had done.

After much time, Alphonsus stumbled into Everwind, where he saw wonders that defied all of the learning and science he had ever been taught. In that place he decided to live, to really live, again. For the most part, Alphonsus has become a wiser version of the man he once was, turning to Castan for comfort and a reminder that truth is not always what they teach in school. While mostly cheerful, he is still vulnerable to almost random moments of extreme grief, and still finds it very difficult to avoid the attraction of alcohol to help forget the anguish of his soul. In his heart, he is still hopelessly devoted to the beloved queen of his memories, and while he may occasionally be tempted by other women, his spirit would never allow him to fall in love again.

Blogs, Brutes, and Speedos

2007-12-20T09:56:00.000-05:00

With a little digging, I was able to discover the blogs of two of my Everwind friends, Wren and Malakyte, and I’ve added them to my Friend’s Blogs section. Hello out there. Thank you for providing me with fresh reading material. This will give me even more ways for my animator to spend time devoted to me instead of living his own dumb life. I do appreciate this.

I wasn’t able to get in-world at all yesterday between the system down time and my animator using me to defeat brutes in Halo 3. There’s about 50 of them, all of them crack shots, several with sniper rifles and a couple with heavy artillery. There is exactly one of me. That makes the odds about even. (Cracks knuckles)

Well, in truth they’ve been killing me pretty regularly for a while. My animator is trying to defeat the game at its hardest level. I’m not sure if my pride will ever really adjust to getting splattered a hundred times in a row.

I’ll flit back over to Second Life tonight and try to decide what I’ll wear for the Everwind party (tomorrow?). Despite the persistent urging of my friends, I probably won’t wear Christmas Speedos. I am the speaker for Castan, and there is a certain level of dignity I must uphold. Perhaps some reindeer antlers? We’ll see.

My wife and sister-in-law are encouraging me to continue the story I put down yesterday. I’m usually good a starting things. Finishing is another matter. I know roughly how I want the story to go, but I’m afraid I’ll peter out somewhere. Nevertheless, I’m giving it a try. One of the problems is that there isn’t a big market for short stories anymore. The science fiction angle will help. There’s always Analog and Asimov and maybe a couple of others. Still, that’s secondary. First thing is to finish writing the darn thing. Sigh.

Well, that’s all I have to say for today. Safe paths, and may the dragons of Everwind not mistake Santa for a flying Christmas treat. That would truly be a very sad thing for the world, and I would imagine that his magic bag of toys would cause severe indigestion. See y’all tonight.

Joy, and Nothing to Talk about but a Can

2007-12-19T09:46:00.000-05:00

I have had more than one person say that they like to look at my blog daily, and are disappointed when I don’t have anything posted. I like to post things, but the problem is I edit myself a lot. That is to say, I try to avoid whiny, negative posts, and there are times that if I wrote every day I would be afraid that many of them would be just that.

But then, maybe it’s a discipline thing. Mykyl says to look for joy in every day. Maybe a daily post where I force myself not to be whiny will improve my overall outlook on life. Maybe these blog posts are the secret to everlasting, blissful happiness, with birds and butterflies flitting about me all the time and flowers growing under my feet where ever I walk.

You may say unlikely, but having never tried it, I can’t be sure of that. Give it a try, and let the ducks fall where they may.

That being said, I still don’t have a lot to say, so I’ve decided to include a clip of an unfinished brain fart--an incomplete story I started with only the concept of garbage in mind. It will likely never be finished, but I liked the beginning, so here goes.

----------------------------------

The Can

It had never been in complete darkness: not quite. The yellow glow of a street lamp, over a hundred yards away and partially shaded by a tree, caused a barely perceptible glimmer on the slightly rusted metal.

It was not lonely. It could only be described as such by writers and poets, anthropomorphizing beyond the animal into the non-living. It was an inanimate object: a soda can, carelessly discarded more than a week earlier. It was simply a collection of iron and aluminum molecules, held together in unspectacular structures, no more capable of thought or feeling than all but an infinitesimally small number of molecules in the universe.

As the sun rose, its glimmer increased. While it had been a relatively dry night, there was still a small amount of moisture that had formed on the can’s surface. It sparkled in the black and white tones of early twilight. It could now be seen well enough to perceive that it lay in a slight depression in the ground. Despite the sun’s rise, it was still very nearly invisible.

It was just visible enough, however, for the Child to spot it. It was just interesting enough, however, for the Child to alter her path by more than fifty feet to approach it more closely.

The Child seemed young: far too young to be out alone this early in the morning. Still, the Child did not exhibit any of the many tendencies that children her perceived age might exhibit. The Child’s eyes were sharp and intelligent. She moved smoothly, with a grace more befitting of a mature matriarch than the five-year-old that she appeared to be. She moved surely, without wandering, without skipping in playful innocence.

Despite the can’s lack of remarkable features, the Child gazed on it in fascination; as if the can were the most wondrous of objects that the Child had ever before seen. She knelt to pick it up. Above the ground, the can picked up much more light. The few drops of dew that had rested upon it dripped down its sides, dampening the Child’s fingers. It was slightly dented, and it was covered by grass clippings, tossed from an automatic lawnmower that had passed near it a few days before.

With a smile, the Child placed the can into the plastic grocery bag that she wore like a backpack over her shoulders. It made a metallic clank when it fell upon one of its brethren.

The Child quickly surveyed the landscape of the park again. She could see the silhouette of a distant female jogger, but no other telltale sparkles caught her eye. She did not expect any--this can was an unusual find. The park was in a good neighborhood. The surrounding populous were not generally the littering types.

They were, however, wealthy, lazy, and wasteful enough to throw away the metallic, ten-cent objects that were the Child’s primary interest. Therefore, the trashcans of the park were usually far better hunting grounds. There were always cans to be found somewhere--metallic manna from heaven. The cans meant money. The money meant food. The food meant another day of survival.

Another day of survival meant another day of continued research.

The Child could generally do quite well on fifteen or so cans per day. On days with a when she found more than this, she saved the excess money so that she would not have to spend as much time searching for them. The less time searching, the more time studying. And studying was the most important thing of all.

However, as rare a find as the can was, it was, in the vernacular of the local populous, just extra gravy. The Child already had enough cans for two days worth of food, and, while she would continue to collect when the opportunity arose, she would not need to make it her obsession.

She could occupy her time with far more useful things.

The jogger was no longer in sight, and the sun appeared over the tops of the homes on the east end of the neighborhood. She wondered briefly where she should go next. She felt tempted to return to the shopping mall, partially because she liked it there and partially because she didn't stand out quite so much. But she reluctantly dismissed the idea as selfish. She had already gotten all the useful data that there was to get from the mall. She decided instead to go to the casinos in the city. It would take several hours for her to walk there, and she would stand out much more conspicuously. What's more, once she got there she knew that she would not be allowed to enter any of the casinos proper. What she would have to do instead was observe from the outside all the people who came and went. She would have to keep moving around, and stay near other couples or families so that observers would just assume that she belonged to them. If she were lucky, she might find a way to be detained by the casino security and gain access to the inside. If she were luckier still, she might find a way to escape for several minutes to wander the floors and observe the gamblers at work. It would be a highly risky venture, but one with major pays offs if she could pull it off successfully. She immediately made her decision and began walking in the proper direction.

------------------------------------------

That’s it. It clearly has the makings of a science fiction story. I wrote some other paragraphs, but nothing really wowed me, so nothing else came of it.

Meditation Time

2007-12-18T00:55:00.000-05:00

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Close your eyes. Sit in a comfortable position. If there is noise around you (or even if there isn’t), play some relaxing, meditative music.

Clean your mind. Wipe away the knowledge of the chaos of the world around you. Wipe away the chaos of your thoughts. Let the thoughts float out of your head and fall to the ground like water, soaking the earth and causing flowers to grow. Focus on your happy place: a beach, a brook, a forest, a special room you remember from child hood. Put your mind there.

Unclench your teeth. Smile.

Keep you breathing deep and regular.

Make tense and relax each limb or major muscle group of your body three times, holding the tension for at least five seconds before releasing it. Start at your toes and move up your body, leaving one set of muscles totally relaxed before moving on to the next set. End by squeezing your eyes shut three times, and ending with your body very relaxed.

Are your teeth still unclenched?

Are you still breathing deep and regular?

Good.

Wander around your happy place for a while. If any stray fears invade your place, let them manifest themselves, then will them away. Drown them in flowers. Make them swirl away in a cloud of lavender mist. Crumple them up like paper and toss them out of your mind. Use your imagination. You are in control. Show your fears who’s boss.

Stay here for another ten minutes. Will away your fears and stray thoughts in creative ways.

After ten minutes, either allow yourself to fall asleep, or open your eyes and smile.

Have a great morning, afternoon, and/or evening. Say a mantra if it makes you feel better.

A nice warm home

2007-12-13T13:35:00.000-05:00

The icy gale of pixel winds
dig in and chill my soul.
My cloak, too thin, I wrap about
To shelter I extol.

The texture flames of crackling fire
seem to take away cold's bite.
And warm greetings of fellow avatars
do help my soul feel bright.

Our puppets play a game of words
an excuse to stand within.
Our souls, though, cry for a sense of place
and for forgiveness for our sin.

Lonely spirits use network lines
to seek to solace for their pain.
Our souls now live in copper wires
to search for home again.

A Festival to Truth, Honesty, and Honor…What a Concept!

2007-12-08T00:35:00.000-05:00

I’ve been trying hard to take part in more Everwind activities of late. The followers of Castan have been patient, but it is up to me to come up with ideas for them, and I’ve been sorely lacking in leadership in this area.

My soul feels a bit clearer right now, however, and the time has come to take charge. I am trying to schedule a Castan meeting for Sunday. One of the things I want to come up with is a Castan festival where we honor our lion god. Castan, however, does not lend himself easily to this, as there aren’t really any American holidays where truth, honesty, and honor are celebrated. The big ones all fall short.

Christmas falls on a pagan holiday and is nowhere near the time of year that the non-secular events would have taken place. The secular version has Santa Clause, whom I would give anything to believe in again.

Easter has the same non-secular problems, and the secular Easter Bunny was never plausible enough for me really to believe in. The rabbit doesn’t really have a strong personality, and the reasons for his compulsion for hiding hard-boiled eggs dipped in dye have never been made entirely clear.

Thanksgiving is probably somewhat factually based, but it’s about being thankful and eating too much. Both of which are worthy goals, but there is really nothing about truth related to it.

Martin Luther King Junior’s Birthday and Abraham Lincoln’s birthday are the closest I can come up with, but King had his mistresses, and Lincoln’s birthday has be linked with Washington’s birthday and a mish-mashed holiday called President’s day has come out of it. Lumping Lincoln with our other presidents, some of whom I suspect stated the truth as little as was humanly possible, sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

And there aren’t exactly any festivals associated with these day, anyway. They fall in January and February respectively, and it’s too freakin’ cold to even have a parade. A day off of work is the most that we get out of them, and that just doesn’t have the grandeur necessary for a honest, honorable lion who is second in command of the known universe.

The Princess suggested Veterans Day. This does share some of the principles in principle--it is dedicated to men and women who died fighting for something that they honored. But I don't want a silly parade! Perhaps some kind of tribute to those who died for honorable reasons....hmmm...

Anyway, we have a lion whose color is gold and whose symbol is the flame of truth. He is the right hand of The One. The One is the creator of the universe and of all the other gods, and she just kind of hangs out in the background and lets whatever happen happen. So far the best I’ve come up with is a big bon-fire, perhaps roasting turkey legs, on some arbitrary day during the year. I’m hoping to find someone with a better idea.

My Castan clerical duties have been frustrating. I’ve been dealing with a woman who was pushed off a cliff and then kicked in the head by someone who used to be her friend. She’s recovered physically, but she’s a mental mess, especially since her betrothed disappeared about a month ago. Words are lost to her. There are some things that a cleric can’t heal. Some things can only be cured with love, friendship, and time. I fear that this woman may not have the strength to take the time necessary to heal. I am left feeling frustrated and helpless. Oh well. All I can do is all I can do.

Rest well everyone. I’ll see you at PHC tomorrow.

Sick Day

2007-12-04T00:30:00.000-05:00

Today (er...yesterday) they sent my animator home because the people at work said it looked like he was about to die. Goody goody! His pain is my gain. I get to spend more time in world rather than hanging out in the dusty servers with only the Linden bugs to keep me company.

I started the evening by building an entry for the kiosk making contest that Virtual Parks and Recreation is having. For the first time I have made an attempt to use sculpted prims, and this only so that I could get under the severe prim limits without having something that looks retched. With the sculpties, I was able to reduce the prims on my object from 12 to 7, and thus, with the addition of the necessary signs and such, was able to make the entire thing for 10 prims. I shan't divulge what it is I have built, for I am certain Parks and Rec spies are anxiously scanning blogs for clues as to how to better their opponents. There's a L$5000 purse at stake, which could pay for a months tier with some change. That's 11 Cataporter sales, and that quite simply does not happen.

I spent the rest of the evening working on finally putting my bar up for sale. I intend to sell all the components individually eventually, bur for right now I at least have the whole set available on SLExchange. It's a nice bar set, but I may need to tweak the price down, like I did the ship's wheel. There is no point of trying to sell something at a given price if no one wants to pay that much money for it. I didn't sell a single pub at the original price I asked. Even now, at the very low price of L$60, I only have a trickle of sales for it. That's at less than one third the original asking price. The Cataporter is just about half what I originally asked. Other items, like the tithing box, fly off the shelf at their list price. I could probably ask a bit more, but I won't.

When I put the bar up in Ballyboo I ran out of prims. I deleted a snow drift and a cocktail shaker to fit it all in. Ballyboo is going to be a prim fight .

I often wonder if people who have similar or inferior products to mine that are higher priced actually sell any of their stuff. The original asking price of the Cataporter was a couple hundred less than other products that did less than what the Cataporter does. I sold one at that price. I started to get decent sales at the current price.

I sold a tremendous number of Turkey legs around Thanksgiving, but it happens to be a very seasonal product. I sold only one leg after black Friday. Maybe sales will pick up for Christmas, but I'm not holding my breath.

Well, that's it for tonight. My animator is trying to doze again, as if he's bored by my scintillating conversation. Oh well, the poor boy's sick. I shan't blame him this time. See y'all tomorrow. If I'm lucky, my animator will be deathly ill and I won't be going back to work for a while.

MPF INC. TO GO PUBLIC

2007-11-29T15:03:00.000-05:00

Today, Alphonsus Peck, President and CEO of Master Peck’s Furniture, Incorporated, announced his intention to take his conglomerate public as of the first of year.

Alphonsus Peck, self-made thousand-aire and speaker for the god Castan, said that his decision to go public was one that he made after much careful consideration. “I can’t allow this company to go the direction of so many other businesses in Second Life. Many people seem to have no integrity, stating their intentions to provide outrageous interest rates or dividends while only intending to line their own pockets.”

In the heavily attended press conference, Mr. Peck revealed that in his corporate mission, truth, honesty, and integrity will be paramount, and all of his financial transactions will open and freely discussed.

“Master Peck’s Incorporated will keep every promise it makes. If we don’t think we can keep a promise, than that promise will never be made. That said, I feel there are a fair number of promises that we can make and keep with total confidence.”

Alphonsus Peck then began a PowerPoint presentation that illustrated direction for corporate growth.

“First of all, let me state up front that our corporation will not use more than 80% of investment income toward salaries. We want assure our investors that we plan to make optimal use of this money to help Alphonsus Peck succeed. I vow that I WILL NOT disappoint any investors who would take pleasure in seeing this goal obtained. We can assure our share holders that this money will be put to the best use possible on enhancing my life.

“That said, we also want to say that we will ensure our stockholders that we can and will guarantee a return on their investment. Other banks and corporations have got into trouble by making these claims, and promising a rate of return that was impossibly high. Nevertheless, we are confident that we can ensure our investors of a return rate of not being any greater than -50%, and very likely much less. Yes, I know that this sounds wildly optimistic, but, after much consideration, I believe that we can realistically meet this expectation. I am willing to commit myself so much to the realization of this goal that I feel safe in making it an iron-clad promise.

“As for how we plan to invest our shareholders money to ensure a maximum rate of return, I can’t make promises. It depends very much on what seems to be most desirable at the time. I think that I can safely say that a percentage of this money will be invested in the purchase of sex pose balls, skins, hair, and in top of the line, anatomical appendages. Gambling, while outlawed in Second Life, still can be found some areas. Gambling has consistently shown to have the highest potential rate of return on investment. All it takes is a little luck, and the persistence to stick with it.”

Mr. Peck then outlined some of his dreams for making improvements with stockholder’s money, including a new car, “dream” vacations, and new home gaming equipment.

After the conference ended, the reporters in the room sat stunned by Mr. Peck’s bold vision. Many were unable to put words together, and left the conference room shaking their heads.

“I must say that I did find Mr. Peck’s frank honesty to be a welcome change from what we usually hear from other publicly traded institutions,” said Artemus Winsky, editor of Second Hopes and Financial Trust magazine, a journal dedicated to finance in Second Life. “With his honest approach, only the truly stupid could possibly lose money through investing in his corporation. The staff at SHAFT magazine looks forward to seeing his investors get exactly what they deserve.”

Master Peck's R Us

2007-11-27T01:53:00.000-05:00

Well, the evening started out easily enough.

I had to take care of a small bit of Everwind business. I was in the midst of this when Mykyl contacted me and asked me to stop by when I could. I took care of Everwind tasks and zapped myself over to Faeria. Mykyl was there, standing in her new village, and wondering if I wanted my shop moved there.

I said yes, and I confidently picked which location I wanted. Then my business manager (the Princess) showed up, patted me on the head as if to say, "Hee hee. That's cute dear. Now get out of my way," and told Mykyl which location I really wanted.

I decided that I didn't want to use one of Mykyl's prefabs and said that I wanted to work on my own build, so we got out measuring tapes and bulldozers and started reforming the land and laying a foundation. Once that was done, we decided to move my Cataporter out of the way a bit. I moved fine, but I didn't trust that it moved fine, so I tested each setting to ensure that I didn't bump into any walls while hurling about the sim.

So, I finally got to working on the texture for my foundation (it took quite a bit of time to find just the right one), and I had time to put up a single wall before before a man I had contacted earlier who owned a new Sim responded to my query about putting up a shop there. We IMd a bit, when he decided to TP me over.

My business manager came with me, and we found a good store front. He then started taking us on a tour of the city / ocean / forest. It really is an incredible sim. I just wish I could remember the name of it. Not to worry. I'll have another Master Peck franchise there before the end of the week, and I'm sure I'll mention it in another post.

The only problem is that I agreed to hang around there and to be a role-player. Which sounds like fun in principle, but in practice will take up more of my time, of which I am already short some 26 hours for each day that goes by. I made a commitment, and I'll stick with it. If the sim takes off, it'll be magnificent, and I'll have a good location from which to sell my goods. If it doesn't, well, we'll worry about that should that eventually come to pass.

So I've expanded to basically six locations. Faeria, by far my biggest and best store, 4 vending devices in two sims for the Period Stop, my Enchanted Frog Gadgets store in Ballyboo, my generic Master Pecks / Enchanted frog cross breed store with Oaktree shops and Skye Qi in Zebranky, and the new shop I'm setting up in the sim whose name I can't remember but that I've just investigated this night. I have one person who wants me to set up a Cataporter to sell in his sim, and a woman called Celina who wants me to build some specific new products and also wants me to set up shop in her sim. That's eight locations. Count my SLExchange and SLBoutique accounts that goes up to 10 locations.

None of this is quite adding up to instant wealth. This is a perfect get-rich-very-slowly scheme. It's not quite like Ginko as far as instant profits are concerned, but I'm quite happy with my return.

Hey. It's a living.

Family Ties

2007-11-26T00:23:00.000-05:00

Well, this evening I learned that I've somehow gained three sisters-in-law and a mother-in-law. Princess never told me that she was Mykyl's and Minerva's and Hestia's sister, and that Dulcinea was her mom. Kind of big details to omit. Not that I have a problem with it, but one does like to know who one's family is, doesn't one?

Well, it's kinda nice to have family. I wonder if Alpha and Aianna and FD are cousins? I don't know that I have a mother or father, or any brothers or sisters of my own. Second Life is like that. You don't know who your family is until you meet them for the first time, sometimes.

I spent the day attending to details, mostly. I worked on a three colored spotlight for our holiday island. I reduced the price of the ship's wheel from L$95 to L$60, as I haven't sold a single copy as of yet. On the other hand, my L$20 towel dispenser has already sold one copy, and I just put it on the market yesterday.

I haven't been Everwind-ing very much lately, which is a bad thing. I get great personal satisfaction out of being the Speaker for Castan. It is something that allows me to come into touch with myself, and to help others, and to get my own values centered. Plus I get to walk around in cool cloaks and stuff. There is much that comes along that makes me think about things. That's the secret behind role-play. It is not the fact that you are talking to a dragon that is important. It is the fact that you are talking to a different conscious entity, learning his or her ways, adjusting to his or her values, learning to duck from his or her flames when he or she belches. It's about learning and cooperation and problem solving. Sometimes, its about failing, and learning to move on.

Well, I don't want to stay up too lat tonight. The Princess's animator got mad at me 'cause I fell asleep with the laptop screen shining in her face, and I wouldn't wake up to turn it off. Don't want to repeat that.

So, goodnight, my family and friends. I'll see many of you in the 'morrow.

Sleepy Blog Entry

2007-11-25T02:40:00.000-05:00

So what do I write about tonight?

I've stopped procrastinating and loaded some long overdue products onto SLExchange. But I honestly don't think any of you really care about that.

My real life self stayed up this late simply so he could run the dishwasher and get our toothbrush cups back in the new cupboard that I installed today, but I honestly don't think any of you really care about that.

My Real Life self also cleaned the living room. It still needs a good vacuum, but beyond that it looks pretty good. But, well, yada yada.

I had a great time at PHC tonight. I usually do. I got their late due to my RL teenager's boyfriend being very talkative after he raked the front lawn for us. He says he will do the back lawn tomorrow. He's a great kid, but not really Mr. Reliable. So we'll see. But he's making an effort again to be sociable. He's trapped in the video game vortex. We're all kind of hoping that he'll grow out of it. Fat chance. I never did.

My RL ears are ringing constantly. The volume of the sound waxes and wanes, but it's always there. I seem to have a serious mental block about calling the doctor about it.

And I seem to be a bit melancholy. Being melancholy at 2:30am while writing a blog entry is probably a bad thing. The temptation to whine is omnipresent. I shall resist.

[RL] So tired. I think cat is going to be a feline pain tonight. I already had to get the water pistol on him because he was meowing for no readily apparent reason. Well, the readily apparent reason is that he is lonely. But we are tired and need to sleep. Meowing is incompatible with this. So one of us is going to be unhappy. And I have the water pistol, and I'm bigger than he is. He will whine despite this. He will whine because he is more persistent in insisting on love than we are resistant to falling asleep with a water pistol in my hand.

Well, falling asleep won again. I finish and post this in the morning. Good day all. Joy and whatnot.

Winter Comes to Second Life

2007-11-22T00:30:00.001-05:00

It has suddenly almost come full circle. I started taking Second Life seriously in January of the beginning of this year. Although, chronologically, I was almost a year old, I was for all other intents and purposes as new as any other newbie. I had first come into existence in March of 2006. My movements upon my birth were too choppy, and my existence was too sporadic to be called “alive.” I first came in world on a faster computer seriously for the first ever Michigan Library Association conference held in a virtual world. This happened in mid January, and the Princess and I have been in-world ever since.

Newbies have poor memories, for there is far too much happening when one first comes in world for it to make logical sense. I suppose there were a lot of winter places around in January, but I can remember little of them now. Most of my memories, therefore, come from spring and summer, and thus SL always seemed to be a warm place. But now, winter clothes are coming into fashion, and I’m beginning to see snow more and more frequently as I look around.

And somehow Second Life SEEMS colder. Maybe it’s just my animator’s RL house temperature, but I know that it felt a bit odd putting on a swimsuit in our tropical home. I was even reluctant to jump into the ocean because I was afraid of the temperature. I still find it amazing how my animator’s body affects my mind. I see palm trees and flowers, and I still feel like I should have a sweater on.

I spent some time tonight with Skye Qi and Kurston Brody as they discussed adding touches of snow to the Oak Tree Shoppes. Oak Tree Shoppes is where I have another Master Peck’s furniture franchise, but this store is more than just furniture. It’s a little mixture of Master Peck’s and Enchanted Frog Gadgets. My sales are only moderate here, and she charges a 30 percent commission. But it’s a nice area, and I had fun alternately meteoring and blizzarding Skye and her friends. Good conversation, and good fun.

I left there and basically did nothing at all for the rest of the evening. I explored the ocean a bit and had the Princess put out a couple of Tai Chi pose balls. I spent the rest of the evening meditating and shooting at turkeys with my watermelon gun. (Don’t get the ASPCA on me, the turkeys barely noticed the attacks. Tough birds, they are.)

Well, I once again am in serious danger of falling asleep with the keyboard on my lap, so see ya’ll later.

Marketing in Second Life

2007-11-21T10:27:00.000-05:00

Properly putting an item for sale in SL is a pain in the butt.

Last night I put my new ship’s wheel for sale. It is a simple, unscripted object. It took me over an hour before it was completely ready.

Each product to be added to the marketplace must go through a number of tedious steps. Most of them are not truly necessary. But my products are not typically big sellers, so they need every advantage they can get.

The first thing I do is decide on pricing. I look at all the similar products for sale on the market. In many cases, because my items are unique, there are no real similar products to make a fare comparison too. Still, I get an idea. In the case of the ship’s wheel, there aren’t a lot of other one’s out there. I thought my wheel weighed in heavily with 23 prims. One of the ones for sale had 85(!) prims. I think mine is much better looking, but that could just be a matter of taste. This puppy sold for L$175. The other one I could find in SLExchange sold for L$25 and was a single prim—just an alpha photo. The only other one was the sold in the Astoria ship yard, which was $125 and, again, not quite as nice as mine. I chose to list mine at L$95, undercutting my two main competitors but still not breaking that L$100 barrier.

Next there was the photography. I have a full bright, white room in Ballyboo. I rezzed my wheel there and snapped a pic. I like having a pure white background because the resulting photos look great in SLX. Then I went up to my SLX box, added the wheel to the contents, and reset it. Then, as I usually forget to set the permissions properly, I had to go back, fix the perms, and reset it again.

Then I have to write up my little advertising blurb. I include a description of the item, the item’s purpose using every conceivable key word I can think of to make it findable. I also include a link to the main store that blurb so that people can see the actual item in-world. At this time I usually remember that I forgot to include the store landmark in the actual item, so I have to rez the item, put in the landmark, and make yet another trip to the SLX box to put in the new version and reset it again.

Then I convert my bmp photos to jpgs, upload them to SLX, fix a few typos and call it done. The my wife thinks of some more keywords, so I reload the SLX page, put in the new keywords, fix a few more typos, and call it done again.

Then I have to actually put the item IN the store. I create a display model of the item, which includes a landmark, the actual item, and some floating text indicating what it is and the price. If the item is too large or has too many prims to display, I will also have to pay to upload the pic so I can place it on a vendor board. If this is the case I will usually either paint shop it or have the Princess use Power Point to add item info to the picture. Depending on the item, I will also include a notecard distribution script and a descriptive notecard. Also depending on the nature of the item, I will also include an instruction manual. I set the permissions, rename the display model so that it shows the tag of the location I’m selling it from, set the price, make sure that it is set to sell the contents, and move it to the optimal position in my store. Then I take a copy of the display model into my inventory so that I have one ready should I choose to make it available at another location. If I’m running a classified ad on the store, I would go into my classifieds and add the item to the listing there.

THEN I would go to the SL forums under new product listings, make a copy of my SLX ad, add a link to my SLX ad, find the correct forum, paste in the text, upload the photos again, post it, and call it done.

With a hot seller, I will sell maybe three or four copies during a month. More typically I will sell a single copy every couple of months. I did, however, sell 10 turkey legs yesterday, and another glass of water.

So, consider this a how-to manual for how to put things on sale. If I’m doing many items at once, I can get on a roll and reduce my time per item to a half-hour to 45 minutes or so per item. I’m sure that there are still many marketing tricks I am missing, but I’m happy with what I have for the most part. The Cataporter is my biggest money earner, and the Sauna comes in a close second, but I currently have 26 items for sale on SLX, and somewhat more than that in-world. The sheer quantity of my product line is what gives me a steady-ish income. The more that’s out there, the more opportunities there is for sales. You can’t sell what people can’t buy.

I know that many of my friends are not really entrepreneurial-like, money-grubbing capitalists like I am, but just in case any of you decide to try the route of trying to earn a few extra lindens from some of the work you’ve done that you’re proud of, well, this would be a start.

Captain's Wheel

2007-11-20T01:12:00.001-05:00

Captain's Wheel
Originally uploaded by Alphonsus Peck

I made a steering wheel for my boat. (OK, a Captain's wheel). The one's at the Astoria shop were outrageously overpriced. This one is a better design, anyway. It's nevertheless a hefty bugger, weighing in at 23 prims. It seems quite elegant, and will of course eventually be added for sale from Enchanted Frog Gadgets. What is it about the steering wheel of a boat that evokes such feelings of elegance?

Oops. Taking laptop naps again. Goodnight, and good news!

A Day Fortunately Not Crushed

2007-11-19T14:25:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been doing all of my blog posting at night with a little laptop computer while my animator lay (lie?) in bed. As he is usually 9/10ths asleep when I make the entry, I always look forward to reading the post the next day to see what we actually wrote.

He didn't quite make it last night. I wrote about 3 paragraphs full of random drivel about the Cataporter before sleep finally took him. He woke up at 5 am (because the cat was hungry) to find the Princess's animator sleeping on top of the laptop. The laptop survived because the Princess's animator is fortunately light of frame. In retrospect, it's probably fortunate that he didn't stay awake enough to press the send button, because the entry would have been deathly dull. So he's sneaking some valuable and illegal work hours so that I can write up this entry.

I spent a good portion of my morning yesterday on Cataporter advertising stuff, and still have a quite a bit to do. I want to offer the solid gold version before the Christmas shopping season starts in full force. The Princess and I then spent a good amount of time looking at Christmas stuff. We found this wonderful little Christmas market place, with ice skating snowmen and singing penguins and trains and sleds and reindeer and just about everything else cool you could imagine. We ended up escaping from there without spending a linden because we had no place to put any of it. All of our land holdings are either in Ballyboo, where we are short on prims, and in our secret beach front, where we don't actually have any "land". It's all water and all tropical. Snowmen would melt within minutes after they sunk to the bottom of the ocean. 'Tis a muddle, but we will work out a solution.

I then spent almost an hour looking for the place from which we purchased the Astoria, so I could look at the more expensive versions and use them as inspiration to spiff up my own simple boat. I did buy a captain's hat and a ship's bell, but took pictures of the rest and have already made a fair amount of headway into making improvements. I bought a seagull that flies randomly and squawks occasionally. My only problem with him is that he is a bit two dimensional. If you look at him edge on he virtually disappears. We'll need to stock our water with some fish (or throw some half-eaten junk food about) so that he can fatten up a bit.

Mykyl has taken up the challenge of re-centering herself, to which I can only smile and offer a steady hand. She seems to have been a bit wobbly of late, and I'm hoping she can settle enough to find where her actual center is.

Joy, love, light, seagulls, and french fries, everyone. Peace out.

Cataporter 2.0. At last!

2007-11-18T02:05:00.000-05:00

I did it!

A new scientific breakthrough comparable almost to the invention of striped toothpaste in terms of its world-wide significance!

Cataporter 2.0 is now released! The major improvement? It can fire at ANY ANGLE! Dodge under low lying trees. Fly over inconvenient ban lines. Drop passengers in the middle of narrow hallways. The new Cataporter can handle it without breaking a sweat.

Now constructed with a higher quality wood and with added bronze parts, the new Cataporter is now an attractive addition to any household.

/me wipes the oil from his hands, his eyes sore from studying and tinkering with the precisely engineered and robust inner mechanical workings of the mechanism.

Exhausted from my labor, I can now sleep triumphantly, so that I may be well rested to properly advertise the item and set SL on fire with this marvelous invention. Goodnight, fair folk. I will gladly provide rides to all tomorrow. In the mean time, my pillow calls to me. Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

2007-11-16T00:28:00.000-05:00

I started off going to Huin tonight to add a tag to the name of my Cataporter. Then I decided to move it to a better location. Then I deciding to tweak the destinations. Then I ended up deciding to make a minor correction to the way it rotates.

Three hours later, I managed to get my minor correction to work properly. I had disassembled and reassembled the thing a dozen or so time. It now looks exactly the same as it did. The only change is that you can now sit in the seat without being kicked out while changing destinations. Jeez-o-peetz!

And after all this I forgot to add the stupid tag to the name.

Yes, I do want to make changes to the Cataporter, but this change, while kinda important, is not really advertisible as a significant improvement. I’ve been stymied by the significant improvements I want to make (adding two additional firing angels--30 and 60 degrees--to the original 45). Even cooler would be making it possible to have an infinite number of firing angles, and to have a projectile that reports back its location so that the Cataporter can recalibrate until it gets the shot exactly right.

I get too many damned good ideas, but my follow through seems less than desirable. This challenges my math skills to my outward levels. I’ve long ago left behind my calc and mathematical engineering classes. Librarianship rarely requires this degree of mathematical knowledge.

This again begs the question, “Why the hell am I a librarian?” I have the mind of a scientist…the skills of a computer programmer…the desire to be a writer or an artist… I look back and am always wistful and kick myself over the “what could have beens.” Why didn’t I follow my real dreams when I was younger? The same answer slaps me in the face each time…complacency…lack of follow through…too afraid of my own shadow to look at the light that casts it.

Oh well. I yam what I yam. I suppose I should just learn to be comfortable with it. 40 years of trying to change myself has resulted mainly in disappointment. And whining about it certainly isn’t going to change anything. I will stoically return to my uninspiring job tomorrow to do uninspiring things. There are worse jobs out there, and I can’t say that I hate what I do. But when I look at the “could have beens…”

Sigh. At least I am the inventor of the Cataporter. That means something important to me, although I can’t really be sure what.

Auf wiedersehen, my friends. May you not forget to follow YOUR dreams.

When Metal Strings Strike the Soul

2007-11-15T00:10:00.000-05:00

Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Of all the pieces of music ever written, this is one is probably my favorite. To me it is perfect, everything a piece of music should be: poetic, haunting, balanced…something about the melody resonates in my head and my soul, whatever that is. I can’t listen to it without being awed by it.

It just started playing by accident when I plugged in my memory key into my laptop. For some reason, RealPlayer was the program that chose to play it. Annabelle the Sheep is dancing to it. A gopher has just passed under her legs and stuck its head up to listen for a bit before passing on to do more gopher related activities. A little flying saucer came up and shot her, but, while momentarily shocked, I appreciate her stamina to go right back to her dancing afterward.

It was for the sake of this piece of music that my real life animator took his one piano class in college. He never even got close to being able to play it, of course. The only pieces he learned to play were thirty-second ditties renowned for their extreme lack of renown. It is for the sake of this piece of music that he has continuously contemplated taking more serious lessons.

When I first met Catherine on that fateful day in Tyrol's garden, I stood mesmerized by her piano playing. The friend who took me there promptly got bored and left, as was her nature, but I steadfastly refused to move anywhere until the concert was over. When she had finished her pre-selected pieces, she asked for requests. I was the first to respond with the Moonlight Sonata. She played it from memory, I believe, and as well as I’ve ever heard it played.

I don’t know what it is about that piece of music. I haven’t researched its history, its meaning, or anything about it. I’m kind of afraid to, because whatever meaning it has is special now to my own heart. I’m afraid to have my personal meaning tainted by reality in any way.

I’ve replayed the piece some six + time while writing this post. It moves me as much time number six as it did with each subsequent playing.

A perfect piece to relax to before going to sleep. Sleep well tonight my friends. May your dreams be full of music and dancing.

My new life on the sea

2007-11-14T00:29:00.001-05:00

Two Ships that Hang Around Together A Lot
Originally uploaded by Alphonsus Peck

Me and my new little canal runner, the Dazed and Confused, have been having a grand ol’ time exploring the waters around our water property. Unlike my wife, whose animator grew up around water, my animator grew up in the suburbs, with occasional trips the Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, where his brother took him on torturous hiking races through the Porcupine Mountains. He went to the beach sometimes, but his only experiences with boating involved capsizing a sailboat and nearly drowning after a rather spectacular failure at learning how to water ski.

Despite the occasional ban lines, I’ve been finding the exploration of my nearby shorelines to be utterly fascinating. Beautiful lighthouses, wonderful boats and docks, whales, birds, fish, seaplanes, and lots of interesting other stuff are just a small part of what captures my attention while exploring. The Dazed is a nimble little craft, and seems to have no problem wandering between narrow channels.

My productivity has thus been at the low end of my average, but this seems quite comfortable right now. I’m still earning my sea legs, which to me is defined by being able to park the Dazed within 3 meters of the Astoria’s stern, making it possible to actually board my home without flying or getting my feet wet.

So, once again I am back in a lazy mode. My RL home life is on the stable side of incomprehensible, so this makes it possible for me to concentrate on other activities with only a few hundred thousand distractions. This is far better than my usual distraction set, whose quantities approach several million score.

Aianna seems to be a rather intense streak of very bad things happening in her life, and this concerns me greatly. Mykyl is achieving achievements at a furious rate. FD is FD. Alpha is, as ever, a complete mystery. Wildstar is his calm, wise, rational, Wildstar self. Catherine is simply not. In Everwind, I’ve gotten 3 new members of the Castan order in the last week—time for a party. Malakyte is having difficulties with Out Of Character snippiness, and Alandri, overworked as usual, seems to be making a real effort toward getting the Cleric’s Guild in order.

The Princess has a great idea about the Book Discussion Circle and Garrison Keilor. Please wait for further updates.

Light and Love, Greetings and Salutations, Farewell, Parting is such sweet sorrow . Insert proper departing cliché here. I have to go before I fall asleep with the keyboard in my lap again. It gets very warm when I do this. So, later dudes and dudettes.

On my boat with my babe!

2007-11-08T22:59:00.000-05:00

Here's a quick pick of me and my Princess on the Astoria in our little private retreat. Not much time in world tonight, but enough time to do some boat repairs and to cuddle. Isn't life wonderful?

Premium

2007-11-08T00:15:00.000-05:00

I went premium yesterday, and for the first time I own property of my own, instead of just riding on the Princess’s coattails. The Princess worked out mathematically how we could save money by my donating tier and her dropping tier. We are, at long last, back down to a reasonable monthly payment again.

And I have my own boat! It used to be owned by Pink Floyd, but now it floats happily in our secret location. I’ve installed hammock, a couple of seats, and a bar, and put an Enchanted Frogs flag on the bow. The boat itself could use some repair work. (It's sea worthy, but some of the decking seems out of alignment in places.)

In other news, I did some tinkering trying to make my barstools swivel and found wasn’t getting anywhere. I hunted the forums for a swivel script to no avail, then I searched until I found such a script for sale. The good news? It’s all pre-written and ready to go. The bad news? It costs L$2000! Ouchee!!! I’d have to sell a heck of a lot of barstools to make that up, and I kinda doubt that the swivel factor is really worth THAT much. A friend of the man who sells the script is going to see if he can get me a deal, but, even at half price, I’d really have to think about whether or not its worth it.

Not much else to say. My animator is making 170 mile round trips for the next couple of days due to a library conference, so I’m not going to have a lot of left-over energy. In fact, I’m getting pretty tired right nZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

To Bitch or Not to Bitch

2007-11-02T23:34:00.000-04:00

[RL] So, here I lie in the bed of the White Rabbit Inn. The trip thus far has been uneventful. The Princess’s animator has been moderately unhappy, and she is occasionally asking questions of me for which I don’t have answers.

Things have been difficult of late, and I’ve been feeling an overwhelming urge to whine and feel sorry for myself. I don’t like doing this. I try to avoid it to the utmost, as I know that those kinds of feelings are self-perpetuating. “I am sad, therefore, I will act sad, and therefore, by acting sad, I will become sadder, etc. etc, etc.” It is a very easy cycle to be caught in, and, once caught, not an easy cycle to break out of.

This knowledge, of course, does nothing to eliminate my desire to bitch. I can think of dozens of things to bitch about, and some instinct deep within me cries out with a deep-seeded, primordial need to bitch; to whine; to cry out, “Woe is me!” (Woe is I?) and to seek out hugs and cuddles and coddling.

And, while this is appropriate sometimes, too much of it can be habit forming. While I do enjoy coddling those who have problems on occasion, continuous coddling begins to become less of a “feel good” thing and more of an “obligation” thing.

My uncle, who just passed, was a prime example of stoicism in the face of impossible obstacles. The man’s wife died fifteen some years ago. He had a heart attack seven or so years ago, had open heart surgery a couple of times, congestive heart failure frequently, bypass surgery on what seemed to be more than a dozen occasions. He had diabetes, was ninety-five percent blind, had hand surgery that left his hand in a permanent, claw-like position, and had a slow-moving, painful form of cancer that was gradually eating him away.

And yet, he was always smiling, rarely complained, loved listening to classical music, and always answered, “fine,” whenever anyone asked him how he was feeling.

My uncle, in short, never bitched. Moreover, in spite of his troubles, he was usually a very happy man.

So there is some kind of secret there. Perhaps the key to happiness is not being unhappy. A bit simplistic perhaps, but I can’t say that bitching has ever led to happiness, at least for myself. Maybe not being unhappy is worth a shot.

Safe paths, my friends. Bitch if it brings you pleasure. As for myself, I think I’m just going to say that everything is “just fine” instead. :-)

Drama and Unjust Accusations

2007-10-30T01:25:00.000-04:00

Sigh...

In an earlier post, “Cluelessness as the Key to Success,” I stated that I, essentially, am not good at staying angry at people. As a corollary, I think it can safely be assumed that I try to avoid drama at all costs.

This does not stop drama from occurring all around me, however, and it does not keep me from occasionally being drawn into the middle of it, despite my best efforts.

One thing I hate more than drama is injustice. An injustice done unto me I can disregard. An injustice done unto another I have a much, much harder time ignoring.

And it is more or less impossible to talk about the problems without naming names. So let me say this as quickly and as simply as possible.

FD, Princess did NOT offer to try to sell your products with profits for herself in mind. She offered to sell your products in an attempt to help you and to help you realize your self worth. Some of your products are too good to be kept to yourself. The Princess is good at marketing. She was offering to give floor space for your stuff, create advertising copy, take photos, upload textures, and in essence do all the work of selling your things for you. In return, she was asking for a mere 10% commission, partially to help offset upload and labor costs, and partly because she felt it was very fare considering the work she was offering to do. Any profits she got from the sales would be miniscule and not worth her efforts. She was doing it as an offer of friendship, and for no other reason.

FD, when Princess talked to you after your argument with our then mutual friend, YOU initiated the contact. The Princess talked to you for well over an hour, giving you her full attention, and genuinely trying to help as best she could. When she saw that the conversation was getting circular and she could see no way of resolving the conflict, she tried to break off the conversation easily. I can remember her RL self saying, “He said, ‘Sorry for wasting your time.” I didn’t say he was wasting my time at all!” She was flabbergasted and frustrated. She was trying to help someone whom she considered to be a good friend, and felt she was getting her hand bitten in the process.

As for her “ignoring” you, the Princess is painfully shy and likes to hide. It takes her a long time to warm up to many people. Many of the posts in her own blog talk about this very issue.

The reasons for the Princess’s anger are that she feels that she did everything she could to be a friend, and her gestures of friendship were publicly and unjustly twisted acts of greed and selfishness.

Yes, she is my wife. Yes, I am defending her. But I can fairly say that she had done nothing, NOTHING, to deserve what you accused her of, and nothing that indicated that she was anything but a friend to you. She was genuinely hurt when she felt you turned on her, and even more hurt when you took her off your friends list.

This is all I plan to say on the matter. What I’ve said is not the truth as I see it, but as I KNOW it to be. I’m not open to debate, and I will tolerate no drama in the comments to this post. I don’t know what your argument with our mutual friend was, and I only care in so far as the outcome has somehow caused an explosion in the midst of my little circle of friends, and I, for one, can do without the heartache.

Sigh…

Now I’ve got a RL funeral to worry about, and am still making a serious effort to try to lift myself from my own depression. I am desperately hoping that I won’t have to worry any more about all this bullshit.

Bartender, pour me another

2007-10-29T00:48:00.001-04:00

I built the bar yesterday before Prairie Home Companion, and I built the shelves and the barstools today.

I originally was going to build a straightforward Renaissance bar, but finding photos of Renaissance liquor on the Internet is just about impossible. I did a thorough job of searching through texture stores until I finally found some perfect hooch. I made some modern bar chairs, added a sit script (which took me forever to get to line up right do to my own stupidity), and I’m quite satisfied with the results.

I still want to build an extender so the bar can be made longer at will. I’m debating making it available in different textures. Beyond that, the whole thing almost is ready for sale. I still need to research what price to charge (evil capitalist that I am, I won’t sell it for free except to friends, or maybe to people who ask real nice).

Maybe later on I’ll make a genuine Renaissance version, but I like this version quite a bit. It’ll do for now.

What would REALLY be cool is some kind of animation where a bartender can take a bottle, pour it over a glass (with animated liquid coming out of the bottle, of course), and fill the glass up, which would then be ready for anyone to pick up and drink. Maybe it’s been done, but I haven’t seen it, and it doesn’t SOUND too difficult.

Oh well. A project for another day or another year.

/me sighs contentedly